how can I help a loved friend whose mother is dying

[time4tea]

my best friend of over 20 years is losing her mum, not sure how long she has got. mum is the centre of a wonderful family, will be so missed.

how do I help my friend (plus her two children 8 and 5) get through these weeks and months?

i've sent her some books - including "what can I do to help" with tips on how to support patients families dealing with cancer.. but wondered what things can friends do that you lovely MN'ers can share?

thanks

t4t

Hi there.

My close friend lost her mum to cancer three years ago. I called her her regularly so she could talk about it, because her mum didn't really want to - she focused on the positive right until the very end. But apart from that she is positive like her mum so wouldn't really let me do much. Perhaps you could offer to babysit so she can have some time off to relax? Or offer to take some nice family photos for them for keepsakes if you know her mum well enough too?

When my friend's mum passed away her head was scrambled (she also has two kids and one was just a baby), and she had a lot to organise, so I found a couple of lovely readings to suggest to her for the funeral, and in the end read one out when she and her dad asked me to. I can give you the reading if you like, it's a nice way to offer something comforting to read even if they don't use it.

Since then I make sure I always call her on her mum's birthday, mother's day and anniversary of her death. Talk about her mum's good qualities because people so often think it's better not to mention the subject and it can leave her feeling isolated.

Good luck with supporting your friend, she's lucky to have you.

thanks to both of you - particularly for the kind words about my wanting to help. it seems such a hopeless wish.

sadly I live about two hours away by public transport (I can't sodding drive - although a test not too far away) so I can't help in too many practical ways, although am always glad to go down - but don't want to intrude too much or force a visit if it isn't what will help....

but certainly texting etc is something I can do and can show I am around in so many ways.

thanks, the reassurance of what a friend can do in these days has been so helpful

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Agree with everlong-Just be there for her.Don't try to hard.For me it sounds like you're already doing the right thing xx