Struggling, I dont want to do anything

[Autumnsunshine54]

My dad died 2 months ago and I just feel like I cant cope. I dont care about anything, I dont want to do anything or see anyone but also feel lonely when I'm alone. I worry about being shit company when people invite me to things and that I'll lower the mood when I'm there. I went back to work too soon, I thought 7 weeks off would be enough but it wasnt. I just cant motivate myself to do anything, I feel like nothing matters. I dont know how to live like this. I am trying to get some bereavement support through Cruse but there is a wait of about 7 weeks I think.

I'm so sorry for your loss @Autumnsunshine54

It does sound as though your bereavement has triggered severe depression for you - have you sought help from your GP? At the very least, they would be able to authorise sick leave from work, if you feel some more time off would be beneficial.

I don't think you should worry about being poor company for your friends, or lowering the mood. Any half-decent friend will completely understand why you are so low and not mind if you are quiet or distant in company. I think you should spend time with your friends if you possibly can - if nothing else it will be a distraction and something to occupy your mind.

You need to give yourself permission not to do things, if you don't want to. You shouldn't feel you have to motivate yourself - you are doing something very important and all consuming already, you are grieving, and you are fully entitled to give yourself over to grief, there is no timescale for this, it will take as long as it takes.

you need to see your GP, although I'm guessing you already have if you've had 7 weeks off work? (unless you have a very generous employer, mine gives us 5 days!). This sounds pretty extreme, was it a traumatic or sudden death?

I'm so sorry for your loss

Have you called the regular Cruse helpline? They will advise you or listen to you. Also you can call Samaritans anytime for lonely feelings.
I don't think it's unusual to be deeply affected by grief in these very early stages. It isn't depression, it's grief.
Do you have anyone to talk to about your Dad?

Yes, it was very traumatic and came after a very traumatic six years which were traumatic for various complex reasons.

I'm struggling a bit to make phone calls but I think I will try and ring Cruse or Samaritans. I dont have much other family but I feel quite let down by them to be honest, especially my mum.
Thank you so much for your kind message, I really appreciate it.

With the update then maybe you've already spoken to your GP? If not then maybe do speak to them.

Is your workplace supportive? Maybe reduced hours or more time off.

It sounds very tough.

Don't worry about not being good company, people will understand.

Yeah and I've had depression before and this doesnt feel like that, it feels different. Everything I've read about grief resonates with how I'm feeling. Especially with a complex relationship with a parent and with a traumatic decline and death.

I did but she gave me a link for some nhs counselling I think it was but she said it was probably an old link and she didnt think it worked anymore. I havent been able to look at it yet. I cant believe how painful this is, I've never felt anything like it.

My workplace is okay. Im on slightly reduced hours at the moment but only for another 2 weeks so I could ask if it could be extended maybe.

The only person I knew who knew my dad was my sibling and they've been okay but I found them challenging today and have found them a bit challenging since he died for example I've done the vast majority of the planning and organising.

Going back to work -in some form-might give you a routine that you can cling to at this awful time. 💐

Yeah Ive been back a week or so but I've been struggling at work.

I am sorry you are feeling like this op I have been feeling the same since dm died a month ago. I also had a complex family situation that had been going on for a few years. I’ve been off sick for 4 weeks and due back in next week and I just don’t know how I will cope but know I need to get back to normal at some point Have you spoken to your Gp again?

My mother died mid August. I’m doing fine (I think) but my daughter is really suffering. She’s already under adult mental health, pre-dates my mother’s death. She has been told to wait 6 months before referral to grief counselling.
This is a recurring theme of mental health services. Feels chicken and egg. Need counselling to feel better but also need to feel better before counselling will be effective 🤷‍♀️

@BeMintFatballi agree I was having therapy about to start EDMR for the trauma my complex family situation has caused that has now been postponed as it’s not deemed as suitable straight after a bereavement and my therapist didn’t suggest anything else at the moment