cancelling the mobile phone after three years??

[butteriesplease]

hi all,
my DH died unexpectedly three years ago, he was 54. We had just moved house (literally, about two weeks before).
I had to tell my eldest that his dad had died over the phone (he was on holiday). My youngest two were in the house. I had to give him CPR. It was just a nightmare.

I dealt with all the pensions, bank accounts, death certificates, funeral director, all of it.

But... I still haven't managed to cancel his mobile phone account. I did transfer it over to me, but his number is still 'live', and I check his phone every once in a while - there hasn't been any messages on it I need to deal with, but I still can't let it go.

I also haven't closed 'his' bank account - it was technically a joint account (so we got the silver account benefits or soemthing) but it was his. it's empty, but I haven't closed the account, just moved it down the list on my banking app, so I don't see his name.

I still have all his clothes in the wardrobe, and his toothbrush in the bathroom.

I just sometimes feel like I'm managing, but only on a surface level. I can do the day to day, but cancelling his phone feels really, really hard. but I should, but I can't.

Has anyone managed to close the last account/cancel the phone etc after a while? was it ok?

I think you should be gentle with yourself, literally take one day at a time, and accept there’s no time limit on grief. ❤️❤️

And I am so sorry you went through this awful
experience ❤️

I am four years down the line and have so much empathy for you. I have managed to close those things and it was ok, I found the thinking about doing it was worst bit, take tiny steps. You will be ok 💐

Awwww, you have my sympathy, that sounds tough.

Just close it all when you're ready. No need to rush.

Hi OP, my DH died 2 years ago and was 59. I had to cancel his phone quite quickly due to how it was joined with our DC's phones and having to untangle it all. It's been OK. I've found it harder that I can't get into some of his accounts (eg WhatsApp) as I'd like to get some info from there (nothing hugely personal, but useful). We also had a joint account, as well as our personal bank accounts. I've kept the joint account but the bank did remove his name from it. It's hard, as each thing feels like you're further deleting them from having existed. If you're not yet ready to close his phone account then don't. There's no timeline on when you have to do these things.

I cancelled my Mums mobile immediately but, when Dad went into a home, and I came to cancel their landline it became apparant that was still in Mums name too and the DD carried on as their joint bank account just went into Dads sole name rather than get frozen. So, three years after her death, I was cancelling a landline in her name.

BT had a vulnerable person department who I was dealing with thinking it was Dads landline and they put me through to the bereavement department. It got cancelled without any hitch at all. I mean, it wasnt in contract or.anything so maybe that helped but they were very, very, sympathetic and helpful. Wish all contact centres were like.it!

All the best. Its a horrible thing to do.

xx

@butteriesplease both these services are free, for when you're able. 🌸

for the bank account and the mobile

Do you know anyone who sews, @butteriesplease ?@butteriesplease ? (sorry for the dupe - I'd hoped mnhq had fixed that)

Some people have their loved one's clothes made into memory quilts, or even soft toys. They can remain as a nice reminder, that way.

so sorry to hear about your loss and the awful circumstances. There is no time limit on when you should do these things once a loved one dies. It’s when you are ready to sort through clothes etc. not when someone says you should. Grief is different for everyone and follows its own course.

The only thing I would say gently is keeping the bank account with his name on could mean there are new cards etc. issued in his name and these could go missing into the wrong hands. A friend also found it really tough when new cards were issued in the name of her late DH and she received them through the post.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and so young too. It took my dad 7 years before he could contemplate dealing with my mum’s wardrobes, amd he never ever took her name off their joint account. Go easy on yourself-there are no rules

thanks all for your kind words. I just sort of feel I 'ought' to cancel the mobile phone, as I'm paying for it, which I recognise is slightly bonkers, but it just feels like a big step. Maybe I can start by closing the bank account and see how that feels, knowing there are very few repercussions, and I still have what is called 'joint' account, but it's just me - it's the nicknames the accounts have.
OK, that feels like a bit of a step forward, without being too hard.

I kept my husbands mobile contract going for about a year but I never really looked at the phone. I then decided to cancel it as I got to the point of why am I keeping this going? I think sometimes the longer you keep it the harder it is to stop it.
i have also got rid of lots more of his clothes now after 2 years, but have had memory cushions/teddies made. I did get rid of some things after a year but found it easier now than then, again I got to the point that I wasn’t looking at the clothes and I didn’t need them to help me feel closer to him.

You shouldn't do anything because you think you ought to, only do it when you're ready and it may seem irrational to others that you're keeping his phone going but if it's not to you then leave it as long as you want. I cancelled my DH's phone contract but still turn it on every now and then and read through the messages, and I still have what was our joint account but it's now only in my name - that's more for practicalities as our bills went out from it and the thought of changing all of those details was horrendous.

DH died 14 months ago, it still feels like yesterday, and I can't bring myself to deal with his clothes or any really personal effects but I have been wandering around the house getting rid of joint things and excess stuff that hasn't been touched for ages. I sold something of his the other week and it broke my heart but it was just sitting here doing nothing and no good to anyone else. It went to some lovely people and weirdly (probably) it gave me comfort that it was going to a "good" home - ridiculous thoughts for an inanimate object but I didn't care.

Do everything at your own pace, it's so hard.

Some people get rid of everything in a short time scale others never get rid of anything

I think it’s a case of one day it will be a lightbulb moment and it will feel right
tbh you might be on the start of this the fact you are questioning it as once upon a time it would of been a flat no and not up for consideration

My friend has a cushion made from her mum’s jumper quite often sits cuddling it on the sofa

but most importantly if you want to keep to mobile and his stuff keep it the only thing you have to do is what you want to whatever that is

Thanks again to all. I have just closed his bank account - feels like a step of some sort.

@butteriesplease well done. I’m sure others do the same but I just have moments where I think I’m going to sort his clothes out today etc etc today rather than spending a long time working up to it, for me it’s easier when it’s just a spur of the moment thing.

got the official email that the bank account is now closed. was sad, but OK. I agree with dunnow1 - I just sometimes suddenly think, right today is the day I tackle X, and I just do it.

Well done OP.
I think these things take as long as they take. I kept my mother's handbag for 22 years before I could let it go. Then the time seemed right, and saying goodbye to it was liberating.

Well done on closing the bank account. My husband also died 3 years ago, he was in his early thirties and it was very sudden. I’ve also continued to pay his phone bill until a few weeks ago.

It was definitely a light bulb moment. I had a quick cry before I did it but then actually whilst on the phone to them it was fairly easy and straightforward. Was only on to them about 10 mins. I haven’t thought about it much since so I know I’ve done the right thing.

The cost of living is going up and I just couldn’t justify the £40 going out every month. I don’t look at his phone much these days anyway, it’s just too hard and sad.

Good luck whenever you decide to do it, you never know you may feel slightly lifted when you’ve done it. I felt weirdly proud of myself after I’d done it. Anyway I’m rambling, good luck and I hope you’re doing ok as can be x

I'm at 2.5 years and his phone is still active. Its weird how you get attached to the most random things.

It took me well over a year to even turn his PC off, I just couldn't bare the silence it would bring with it.

Congratulations on sorting the bank account.