cancelling the mobile phone after three years??

[butteriesplease]

hi all,
my DH died unexpectedly three years ago, he was 54. We had just moved house (literally, about two weeks before).
I had to tell my eldest that his dad had died over the phone (he was on holiday). My youngest two were in the house. I had to give him CPR. It was just a nightmare.

I dealt with all the pensions, bank accounts, death certificates, funeral director, all of it.

But... I still haven't managed to cancel his mobile phone account. I did transfer it over to me, but his number is still 'live', and I check his phone every once in a while - there hasn't been any messages on it I need to deal with, but I still can't let it go.

I also haven't closed 'his' bank account - it was technically a joint account (so we got the silver account benefits or soemthing) but it was his. it's empty, but I haven't closed the account, just moved it down the list on my banking app, so I don't see his name.

I still have all his clothes in the wardrobe, and his toothbrush in the bathroom.

I just sometimes feel like I'm managing, but only on a surface level. I can do the day to day, but cancelling his phone feels really, really hard. but I should, but I can't.

Has anyone managed to close the last account/cancel the phone etc after a while? was it ok?

I think you should be gentle with yourself, literally take one day at a time, and accept there’s no time limit on grief. ❤️❤️

And I am so sorry you went through this awful
experience ❤️

I am four years down the line and have so much empathy for you. I have managed to close those things and it was ok, I found the thinking about doing it was worst bit, take tiny steps. You will be ok 💐

Awwww, you have my sympathy, that sounds tough.

Just close it all when you're ready. No need to rush.

Hi OP, my DH died 2 years ago and was 59. I had to cancel his phone quite quickly due to how it was joined with our DC's phones and having to untangle it all. It's been OK. I've found it harder that I can't get into some of his accounts (eg WhatsApp) as I'd like to get some info from there (nothing hugely personal, but useful). We also had a joint account, as well as our personal bank accounts. I've kept the joint account but the bank did remove his name from it. It's hard, as each thing feels like you're further deleting them from having existed. If you're not yet ready to close his phone account then don't. There's no timeline on when you have to do these things.

I cancelled my Mums mobile immediately but, when Dad went into a home, and I came to cancel their landline it became apparant that was still in Mums name too and the DD carried on as their joint bank account just went into Dads sole name rather than get frozen. So, three years after her death, I was cancelling a landline in her name.

BT had a vulnerable person department who I was dealing with thinking it was Dads landline and they put me through to the bereavement department. It got cancelled without any hitch at all. I mean, it wasnt in contract or.anything so maybe that helped but they were very, very, sympathetic and helpful. Wish all contact centres were like.it!

All the best. Its a horrible thing to do.

xx

@butteriesplease both these services are free, for when you're able. 🌸

for the bank account and the mobile

Do you know anyone who sews, @butteriesplease ?@butteriesplease ? (sorry for the dupe - I'd hoped mnhq had fixed that)

Some people have their loved one's clothes made into memory quilts, or even soft toys. They can remain as a nice reminder, that way.

so sorry to hear about your loss and the awful circumstances. There is no time limit on when you should do these things once a loved one dies. It’s when you are ready to sort through clothes etc. not when someone says you should. Grief is different for everyone and follows its own course.

The only thing I would say gently is keeping the bank account with his name on could mean there are new cards etc. issued in his name and these could go missing into the wrong hands. A friend also found it really tough when new cards were issued in the name of her late DH and she received them through the post.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and so young too. It took my dad 7 years before he could contemplate dealing with my mum’s wardrobes, amd he never ever took her name off their joint account. Go easy on yourself-there are no rules

thanks all for your kind words. I just sort of feel I 'ought' to cancel the mobile phone, as I'm paying for it, which I recognise is slightly bonkers, but it just feels like a big step. Maybe I can start by closing the bank account and see how that feels, knowing there are very few repercussions, and I still have what is called 'joint' account, but it's just me - it's the nicknames the accounts have.
OK, that feels like a bit of a step forward, without being too hard.