How to handle relatives trying to take over funeral arrangements

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Has anyone had a family member (not next of kin) try to take over the funeral arrangements? If so, how did you bat them away? I hope I’m over-thinking but I’m bracing myself for this situation as I’m sitting in hospital with my last surviving parent at their end of days.

We did. She was warned that if she made arrangements without consultation, she could pay for it. She wound her neck in then.

In a nutshell, the person making the funeral arrangements is the person who has the death certificate! If someone dies in hospital, the hospital provides the relevant paperwork which is sent to the Registrar. The closest relative then deals with the registrar to obtain the death certificate, and nominates an undertaker. The undertaker, on receipt of the relevant paperwork, will collect the body from the hospital morgue.
There is no ‘taking over’ of funeral arrangements to be had! If you are concerned that someone else will try to stick their nose in, just let your chosen undertaker know that they must only deal with you directly.

The undertaker will normally only deal with one person.
When dad died i happened to be the person that signed everything with the undertaker. All decisions were run through me. When my siblings wanted to see dad they had to get my permission, which I of course gave.

Can you just thank them for their suggestion and you’ll consider it, and you’ll get back to them if you need any more information. That why they may feel involved.

Sending hugs during this difficult time.

Be careful of the vultures that may descend after someone passes away.,

Thank you.

My anxiety is making me worry that I won’t be here at the end (I have children at school and live an hour away and there is only so much that DP can do to share the load) and said family member will be here and take over in the hospital and contact the undertaker themselves. Maybe it’s the grief that isn’t making me think clearly.

Have you been in touch with the undertaker? When my Mum was on end of life care the care home advised me to contact the undertaker in advance, so that when the time came they could arrange directly with the undertaker for her to be collected. I don't know if that would work the same way with a hospital, but it certainly did make things easier that night.

I had a meeting with the undertaker about 10 days before she died, which felt really weird at the time, but I was glad I had. It let me set out roughly what we would want, ie Church service followed by cremation, so there were things we did not have to reconsider after she died.

If you could contact the undertaker in advance you could let them know that you are the next of kin, and that all decisions must go through you, as well as setting out what you want, as far as you can know before the event.

Best wishes to you at this sad, and I hope for your sake that it is your anxiety talking, and that things will not be as difficult as you fear.

Thank you for your messages of support. I am dealing with the funeral now and it’s getting tense. I won’t say any more as someone and their wife are on MN and I may out myself which won’t help. Your replies have helped me a lot.

I am sorry for your loss

Funerals, in my experience, can be very divisive. They are such a key part of saying goodbye to someone, but when more than one person is grieving, and have different needs and different ways they want to say goodbye then things can be tense.

Please remember that it is your love for your loved one, and theirs for you, that matter most. I hope that you are able to get the funeral and wake that you hope for. But either way, that love, and the history you have shared together will not be diminished, and there will be ongoing ways of celebrating who they were and what they meant to you - walks in a special place that you shared, a special photograph displayed, a candle lit, a glass of their favourite tipple raised on on their birthday or other special days . . .

Take care of yourself.