How can I best support my husband after his father died

[Junebugsy]

My DH lost his father today after a long illness. His family live 2 hours away so he has went there to spend time with his loved ones. I’d have loved to have joined him however we have toddlers and pets who need looked after at home.

He has lots of support but I feel awful that I can’t be there in person to support him. I did offer to go but he asked that we stay here to keep things normal for the kids.

I desperately want to support him through this. What are some ways that you felt supported when you lost a loved one or ways that you have supported a loved one through grief please?

Grief is different for different people, but when my Dad died I felt like the rug had been pulled out from under me. It floored me like no other bereavement had (although others were more distant - cousins, grandparents, godparents). I wanted all my responsibilities to just disappear, and hide in bed with my head under the covers. I didn’t actually get to do that, but that’s how I felt. So - for me, someone else picking up all the day to day stuff so I didn’t have to, and understanding if I’m ratty, or quiet, and giving me space to be that way for a bit, would have been what I needed. Other people might need something different though, so it will be unique to your husband. You sound lovely x

Agree with the above. The biggest thing you can do is keep everything ticking along, even if you end up doing way more than your fair share of jobs, childcare and mental load in general. And chuck him out the house for some exercise if he's really lolling around - he might not feel like it but a walk/run does help as you can listen to your breathing and feet rather than just your own thoughts.

Do the shit work - house, kids, etc / so he doesn’t have to. Send him
for a 10 min walK daily.

When my mum died I felt so numb so filled with shock everything real felt far away. My husband just did everything. Managed the coroner, the funeral arrangements, our child, food anything that needed doing he did.

You just need to hold everything together and then hold him.

Sorry op, for all of you.
When dh’s dad died he had been spending most days and as many evenings as he could physically handle at his dad’s hospital bedside with his sisters. The night he died he came home and cried in bed for hours, it was utterly heartbreaking. He took the next day off work to go and see his stepmum with his sisters and took a few afternoons off in the following couple of weeks to help with funeral arrangements and practical things that needed sorting but was also back to work.
I just carried on doing whatever needed doing at home with the kids etc including cooking (which I never do because I hate it plus am shit at it!) but it was needed for a while because he was busy and his head was understandably elsewhere.
I’d just say to try and be intuitive, listen to him, be patient with him and understand that he might not be himself for a bit.
💐