Is a Death De-Brief a Thing?

[EponymousEponine]

Im wondering if this exists? After a traumatic birth I was offered a debrief with a midwife where we sat and went through my medical notes and basically worked through the events of my experience. She explained what had happened medically and answered questions so I could understand the events.

I lost my mum last year - it was all very sudden. My taking her to the urgent care for a persistent cough turned into an ambulance ride, diagnosed heart failure and 4 nights in resus before she moved to a respiratory ward, had ups and downs and eventually passed away on night 10. She had heart failure, kidney failure due to hypoglycemia, pneumonia which caused a collapsed lung, and sepsis.

At the time she was admitted I knew she had copd but she'd also been hiding diabetes from me (and not treating it). Her cause of death is listed as
I. 1. Acute renal failure

1. Sepsis due to streptococcal pneumonia

II. Type 2 diabetes mellitus, copd

I wonder if a debrief is available or something similar (happy to pay) whereby I can get hold of her medical notes and understand what was going on on admission and then each day until she died. It was such a whirlwind and it felt like the odds were constantly changjng, being on alert for one thing and then another, she reversed the heart failure bjt then went into kidney failure etc etc. It just feels like it would be really beneficial to talk it all through with someone who understands the medical side of it? Is thjs something that exists?

Thanks in advance for any answers. I'm aware its been 18 months since she died but it was so unexpected, she was relatively young (67) and my sister and I dealt with it ourselves so still processing everything tbh. I'm in recovery from a mental breakdown and trying to find ways to make positive progress.

Hi

Sorry for your loss.

I believe you can obtain your Mum's medical records:

https://digital.nhs.uk/data-and-information/information-governance/guidance/access-to-the-health-and-care-records-of-deceased-people/guidance-for-patients-and-service-users

I'm not sure if you would be able to have the "debrief" you have mentioned; could you contact your Mum's GP to discuss this perhaps?

Losing a Parent is life-changing and I know the grieving process is long and difficult.

My Dad passed away in tragic circumstances and I was with him at the time. For months I replayed events that happened; but ultimately I had to accept it was his time to go and that nothing could be done. Though I haven't always thought like this; I am glad we were together at the end.

You need to do what you feel is right for you, but I fear you might get more questions than answers from the medical notes.

It's good that you have your Sister to discuss this with.

You need to take care of your own wellbeing and I am guessing your Mum would be saying the same to you.

Take one day at a time.

💐

When my colleague lost her Dad quickly last year, and there was lots going on with him that she didn't understand, afterwards she contacted the hospitals PALS department (Patient Advice and Liaison Service) who made an appointment with her and she went in and they went through with her what had happened from him being admitted, through to his death, including the steps they took to try and save him, medication administered etc, so that she could understand what had happened and why he had died.

So sorry for your loss 🌹

This.

PALS should be able to help. I’m so sorry for your loss.

DH was offered a debrief after MIL died in horrendous circumstances in our local hospital. Unfortunately, he was ill himself at the time and he didn't take up that offer with the result that seven years on , he has never processed her death. i think that offer came through the chaplaincy.