Really struggling because the love of my life is dead.

[Barney16]

My partner died 2 months ago and I'm really struggling. Some days I feel ok, some days, today in particular I really struggle. His death was traumatic but since his funeral I'm just lost. My main problem is that he was the person I always turned to when there was a crisis and now, in this crisis I'm alone. He was my day to day too, so the person I chatted to, the person I dropped a text to if something funny happened or there was something interesting on the news. I can't see my future, I have no desire to end it all or anything like that but I feel so lost. I see couples out and about and it makes me so sad. I don't know why I'm writing this really, it's a change from crying, which I have done everyday for eight weeks. I'm exhausted and so miserable.

I am so sorry for your loss. Have you got people that you can talk to?

Oh op. That's heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for your loss and what you are going through. There's nothing anyone can say to make this easier. Just be kind to yourself and know that in time it will not feel quite so sharp all the time. Sending love and strength to you.

So sorry OP 💐 Would you like to tell us about your partner?

I'M sorry for your loss. Our local hospice offers bereavement counselling and a support group, you don't have to have had someone being treated by the hospice to avail yourself of the service, maybe there is something similar local to you.

It does get better over time.

Yes but I'm so miserable I'm mainly incoherent. Our friends have been lovely but they all have regular lives and I'm in this situation that I can't change.

He was lovely. Well lovely to me. Always very loyal. We had both been married before and were really glad to have met each other. We lived a really cosy (probably boring) life. It was so calm because he was a very calm person.

That's a very good idea, thank you. I will try and see if there's anything local to me like that.

You might need an outlet to talk about him, your lives together, the things you did, how much you loved each other and all the things that mean grief in the end when you lose him.

You are lost because you feel you can't burden someone, anyone else with this awful sadness and grief. Everyone else is great around the time of death and the funeral, but then naturally things move on for them as he wasn't the same part of their lives as he was in yours. It is very very difficult.

Crying is good. Don't feel you have to put on a brave face for anyone, but there comes a time when grief can turn "complicated" and needs help from a grief/bereavement counsellor who will help enormously.

I've been there. It is now two years and it was awful. Grief counselling really did help, plus remembering fun times, and knowing that the person I lost would never have wanted to see me in such a state. That bucked me up a bit too. But there are no easy answers. Everyone processes grief in their own way.

I am holding your hand my love. This too will pass, and you will enjoy life again, it won't be the same, but it will go on.

There's an organisation called Widowed and Young (WAY) which is very good.

There's nothing wrong with boring. Excitement is over rated. I'm sure that you were good companions, which is a joy in life.
Perhaps you could write down some of your happy memories of your time together?
💐

Remember that two months is very recent. Don't push yourself on this.
Could you speak to your GP about bereavement counselling?

I've been there too, I am now four years down the line from losing my wonderful husband. There is no way to describe the pain and the weight of it all is there? Our local hospice have a walking group, everyone who goes has lost someone dear to them and most of us have lost a partner. I don't think the grief lessens but life does grow around it and the very dark, early days are slowly replaced with a new normal. Holding your hand from afar.

Thank you.

Thank you. I'm a way I can't understand why this has happened. I understand the randomness of life but I know he would never have left me. He would never have left me to be in this state. I feel like I'm being tortured.

Beautiful response 💐

Remember that he didn't do this to you. He was a kind and calm person, remember who he was.

Yes you are quite right. he would be so upset that I'm so distraught. He would have nipped out to the shop and returned with many chocolate bars and a bunch of flowers.

Right. So do that. Get yourself a big bunch of flowers and loads of chocolate. They're from him, because that's what he did for you, when he could.