Because with immaculate timing he died on the first day of lockdown, sometimes it never quite feels real. No funeral, I didn't go to the funeral directors, to the registrar, no cards or flowers from anyone, eventually I just picked up a box of ashes (which by then was my mum too).
People talking about the lovely weather and baking banana bread and I just negotiated losing both parents in a month while everyone else just moved on seamlessly without them.