Other people’s reactions to bereavement

[Overwhelmedandunsure]

My DH died suddenly last year. I live in a village and I can genuinely say that I have received a great deal of help and support.
DH was a bit of a character and as we had a rather unusual funeral some people from the village were out watching the cortège.
I was surprised today when someone who lives only 50 yards or so away called out to me asking how DH was. I told her that he died last year. She replied ‘you’re joking’
I was angry and upset. I realise that not everyone reacts well to such news, but she is in her late fifties and I can’t believe she said such a ridiculous thing.

You caught her off guard.She was shocked so said the first thing that came to her mind.

‘You’re joking’ wasn’t appropriate at all, but it’s one of those really stupid things people say sometimes like a reflex.
Whats shocking is she didn’t know he had passed away given her close proximity to you. I think I would find that more annoying than her words. Have you not seen her for a year? You would have thought somebody would have mentioned it to her.

She’s probably horrified at herself for saying such a stupid awful thing to you.
Sorry for your loss, OP xx

Maybe she also can't believe she came out with those words - sometimes people just land on unfortunate (unscripted) wording when they're taken aback by something.

It was reflexive, and she'll be beating herself up about it for years, probably.

Don't give it another thought.

Thank you to everyone for your kind words. I am sure you are right that she was flummoxed and just didn’t think.