Help - if it's sad news what do I say to my friend?

[Shimmy21]

I have an old college friend not very close but we meet up once a year or so. Sadly she's suffered a lot of very early miscarriages. When I last saw her she was 4 months pg and optimistic that this time it was different (she'd never got nearly that far before). She was due 3 weeks ago but I've heard nothing. I'm so worried that it's all gone wrong again for her. I don't know whether to contact her and ask what's up or wait a bit longer. I'm worried that if she did miscarry soon after I saw her I'll just be reminding her of what she's lost. (I had a couple of e-mails and holiday postcard since I saw her then but no mention of pregnancy.) What do you advise?

I know that when i had DS1 it took me a few weeks to tell everyone who was not immediate family and friends - also she could be overdue?? I would E-mail her with a general "how are you?". If she has had the baby she will be itching to tell u and if she says nothing about the baby you will have to pressume that the same has happened again. If you are really bold you could ask her how things are going with trying for a baby. She might be glad of someone to talk to. Also it is a better friend that cares enough to ask than to totally ignore the issue.

I would mail her with a general "how's things" email - and see what comes back - let her set the tone.

Yes, I thought about e-mailing her Tessie bear. Saying something along the lines of 'I was hoping to hear some good news from you soon. I hope everything's OK.' As I said I'm just worried about opening a sore wound but I think you're right. I'm not much of a friend if I ignore her am I?

Just an update because it's such a happy ending (or should that be beginning?). I plucked up courage and sent the email asking my friend what the news was. Have just heard back that she's had a beautiful big baby girl. (with apologies for not getting back to me from the delivery room!)

After 6 or more miscarriages and almost complete despair they have got the most beautiful daughter in the world!

lovely news

pleased your worries were unfounded .