Having really hard time at the moment

[Frownette]

It may be because of other recent family trauma; but I wake myself up screaming (and the neighbours) as he's holding out his arms so I run towards him but then he dissolves as I try to hold him back.

It's nice he visits me in my sleep, but then he disappears. I had to make
the decision for him to die.

I don't take to either zopliclone or tamezapine (or whatever they're called, they just don't work on m please don't suggest either.

Frownette, do you want to tell us more about this person?

This sounds like a shocking bereavement. May I send you a hand-hold and ?

Frownette often we we are asked to “make the decision” there is really no decision to be had. Have you had any bereavement counselling?
Talk here as much as you need.

Thank you, you're both very kind @IHateCoronavirus and @groovergirl.

Yes I've had bereavement counselling but it got slightly derailed as I was in a domestic abuse situation at the time and the woman was frantically trying to get me to leave.

She was lovely. I still remember the last session when I felt hesitant about saying then said halfway through "I'm leaving" and she nodded her head in satisfaction.

I'd like to go to one of CRUSE's group sessions, but obviously with all of this going on! Perhaps next year.