help with words for cards for family friend who has just lost her only son who was 38

[Spatz]

I'm not good with words and don't know this family friend terribly well, but would like to write something to her.

She is a widow and her only son died suddenly last week. I am struggling to compose the card.

I'm thinking of suggesting something practical like meeting up to go to an exhibition or something, what do you think?

anyone?

let her know you are thinking of her, offer to go round for coffee, or invite her on an outing. just extending a hand of friendship will be a comfort to her in itself i would have thought.

I would put in the card "My thoughts are with you at this time".

I would give her a few days after the funeral and then ask her to join you for coffee. And then do it again in a few months time and again around the anniversary...

It seems to me that people are very good at flocking to those in distress when the bereavement happens but its the months afterwards when everyone else's life has gone back to "normal" that the friendship is really needed.

May I suggest a letter rather than a card? All you have to say is something along the lines or"Dear...I was so very sorry to hear about..'s death - our thoughts are with you at this terrible time. If there is anything at all that I can do, please call me. Love..' Don't forget to put your address and phone number - then she doesn't have to look for it if she wants to call you. Then in a week or so write again or ring asking if you can pop round, and take someting nice to eat with you.

I've just sent a card to a dear friend who's been bereaved.

I put that I was terribly sorry to hear about the deaths of x and y. and a couple of memories about each of them, one about how x had shown me kindness and another how y always made me smile.

I also put all my contact numbers on it too, and underlined that they could ring me any time, for help or just an ear to listen.

Yes, if you can, add a couple of lines of what you remember about her son. It personalises it and shows that you are infact thinking about her and any memories you have rather than just acknowledging the death. If you offer to meet up, make sure you follow it up after the funeral, as it is always hard to ask in situations like this. She will need to talk.

Thank you everyone - that's really helpful. I've written it now and have put a few memories. I'm going to tea at her house tomorrow - she's having a family-only service and then inviting people round. I don't know how she'll manage. It must be dreadful to bury your only child and she's a widow too.