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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

why is everyone pregnant???

20 replies

shreksmissus · 22/08/2007 22:04

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OP posts:

hertsnessex · 22/08/2007 22:07

oh shreksmissus, dont beat yourself up over feeling like this. it will, and does get easier. let yourself heal, and be kind to yourself.

Sheherazadethegoat · 22/08/2007 22:11

stop feeling guilty just accept this is how it feels. can't make you feel better but i have lots of sympathy. take care

Wheelybug · 22/08/2007 22:11

perfectly normal - infact I could have written that post in many ways.

I'm just over a year since m/c and think I am now up to about 20 people who have 'announced' since m/c. I too have a wonderful dd (who funnily enough was a problematic pregnancy resulting in early delivery by c-sec).

Come over to the trying to conceive after m/c thread if you'd like. We're all as mad as each other over there.

Bainmarie · 22/08/2007 22:12

I am really sorry for your loss.
It is very normal to feel like that, I certainly did. It does get easier though, like hertnessex said.

chilledmama · 22/08/2007 22:13

I've just had a large glass of wine, so feeling v. mellow and your post has almost brought a tear to my eye...[more than a bit pathetic I know]...take all the time in the world...its a lot to recover from...and definately don't (NEVER) feel guilty about being truthful about your feelings!!!

snowleopard · 22/08/2007 22:16

sm, I don't think there's anything unusual or bad in thinking this way. I haven't had a miscarriage and I don't know how awful that must feel - I'm so sorry you have. But even just the fact that I would like a second child and my DP doesn't want to makes me have similar feelings - all the mums I know in RL seem to have just had their second or be pregnant and sometimes I feel like screaming at them "get that blimmin' bump out of my sight!" I am happy for them, I am grateful for my DS and I know I'm lucky. But that doesn't always help does it? It's not selfish, it's just your feelings and they're understandable - especially so at around the time of your due date. Look after yourself, let yourself go through these feelings - you don't need to feel guilty.

Original poster

shreksmissus · 23/08/2007 16:30

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MillyMollyAngel · 23/08/2007 18:36

Like Wheelybug, I could have written your message too. I had a mmc at 12 weeks in Dec. Thought that once my due date had passed, I'd start to be able to move on. Instead I can now manage to torture myself with thoughts of what would have been, plus guilt for not sharing to joy when friends/family have announced they're pg. Really struggle to be around people sometimes and you just know they're thinking 'why isn't she over it by now', including dh sometimes !!! Main thing keeping me going is the hope that eventually my time will come again - have dd 3.5. Fingers crossed. Guess we all just have to be kind to ourselves for a little bit longer.

Original poster

shreksmissus · 24/08/2007 08:58

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Jo71 · 24/08/2007 18:33

My heart goes out to all of you and I know how you are all feeling I have had 5 pregnancies and the 5th one gave my baby girl Rebecca Hope who is now 5 months old (I called her Hope all through my pregnancy) I conceived her just after my 4th M/C and my emotions were all over the place everyone in my social circle had a family we desperatly wanted on and I am getting on a bit 36 I will never know why 1 lost 4 but I say to myself it was for a reason and something was wrong. So keep strong and take as long and you need to grieve people expect you bounce back but it is not as easy as that

NAB3 · 24/08/2007 18:36

I totally understand how you feel. My baby son should have had a twin and it seems everyone is ahving twins, and some people are even complaining about having 2 babies. I am sure they are in shock and only joking but it still hurts. I have had two m/cs and it does get a little bit easier and it also changes how one feels about it. I wish you luck with ttc.

orangehead · 25/08/2007 01:21

dont feel guilty it perfectly normal how u feeling i was the same everyone i knew was preg or had a baby and everywhere i went there was babies or bumps is was so hard but it does get easy. my mil had a baby a month after my 1st mc it was espeacially hard as she smoked through her preg and neglected the child who was eventually taken off her at the age of 3 i was so angry that she had this lovely baby when she didnt deserve it. what u feeling is totally normal dont beat yrself up about it but be kind to yrself. So sorry 4 yr loss

Budababe · 25/08/2007 08:04

I haven't had a m/c but DS is an IVF baby and we tried again last year and it didn't work. Had years of me wanting a baby and DH not. Now I am 43 so really feel I am too old and like you everyone around me seems to be PG.

And they all seem to conceive and carry with no problems. I do feel it is unfair. I think it is pretty normal to feel like that TBH.

So you are not horrible and are not losing the plot - you are just human.

Are you TTCing again? I waver between wanting one last attempt at IVF (but haven't lost the weight the doc recommended) either with my own egg/s or donor eggs or adoption.

AlistairSim · 25/08/2007 08:50

Just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has already said, and that's that your feelings are perfectly normal and natural!

When I had a 12 week mc, my best friend was 2 weeks more pregnant than me.

I had to 'go through' her pregnancy with her as her partner was so unsupportive, even went to apts with her.

Was incredibly difficult and more than once I wanted to wail about how unfair it all was.

There are no hard and fast rules about how long it takes to 'get over'. One day you'll just wake up and it won't be the first thing you think about.

Original poster

shreksmissus · 25/08/2007 09:33

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AlistairSim · 25/08/2007 09:39

I may have slightly misrepresented myself in my last post!

I actually used to go home and cry on dp's shoulder.

Worst bit was when she told me how lucky I was not to have to go through labour!!

TJuice · 25/08/2007 11:09

sorry but that is so tactless of her!

its weird how crass other people can be about m/c. Perhaps i am still a bit sensitive, (and I do realise that it is terribly common and happens to a lot of women) but still, other people's remarks can be so diminishing . . .

MillyMollyAngel · 25/08/2007 15:12

I think people just think, 'well its been a couple of weeks, she'll be over it'. Even my own Mum now asks me on a regular basis if I'm pg again yet! Don't get me wrong,I'm sure she'd be mortified if she realised how upsetting find this, but I fail to see how she thinks this is helping. I even told her last month I was back on the pill, before I say something I really regret!

Original poster

shreksmissus · 25/08/2007 22:21

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ScottishMummy · 25/08/2007 22:26

shreksmissus- you have absolute right to feel any ole way u want - because you have suffered traumatic berevement and it takes a long as it takes
i know it is so so hard

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