Supporting my sister in law

[Bonkersblond]

Recently my brother passed away suddenly leaving behind my sister in law and 2 adult children in their 20's, They live a 3 hour drive away. We weren't particularly close, we remembered birthdays, Christmas and got together maybe once a year, my parents are also deceased. I want to be there for my sister in law and keep in touch as much as I can, I'm the only link in to my brothers family which I think is important for my niece and nephew, telephone conversations I find awkward as we don't have much in common, I'm too far away to drop in with a food parcel. I can keep in touch with my niece and nephew as they both use social media but my SIL doesn't. I have a thinking of you card but I'm stuck as what to write in it, hoping for some wise mumsnet advice please.

I'm so sorry you've lost your brother. you sound really lovely and caring. it's always difficult to know what to say or how to offer support. We recently lost my dad and the silence from some parts has been devastating, months down the line people have said oh I've been thinking of you, and I wish they had actually just told me that, even by text. So I think for a card it is sometimes just enough to say that you are thinking of her, and acknowledge how difficult things must be for her at the moment. as well as sharing about your own loss. And maybe not just one card but a little note or card every so often is nice so she knows you are still there. I would also maybe think about some very specific ways you might be able to or want to support her, e.g. you might not be able to drop off a food parcel yourself but you could send a hamper, a food delivery or vouchers for a nice shop. Regular texts asking how she is doing today might also be nice if phone calls are just too awkward. Remembering dates like birthdays and acknowledging that these might be hard times for both of you, sending a note or flowers or similar is a nice thing. And maybe asking if there are specific practical things that she might need a hand with around the house, and whether you can help with that at all if you able. It's good that you can keep in touch with your niece and nephew, maybe they can also help signpost you as to what kind of support your SIL might need. Hope you can all find some comfort in looking out for each other.

Thanks leonina, some good advice here, I'm sorry to hear about your dad too, and having lost both my parents a long time ago now, have had a similar experience to you from some people, after the funeral it seems everyone goes back to their normal lives leaving you to pick up the pieces and carry on, which is why I'm conscious of trying to establish a relationship with SIL and for her really to know that I know it's just the beginning for her.

Anything at all is better than nothing. Just write that you are thinking of her and glad to be in touch with your niece and nephew, maybe say they seem to be doing well and hope that's right.

Could you invite them on a trip or holiday later in the year?

What about sending her something like a little olive tree ( m&s do them with delivery) It's showing you're thinking of her and it may be comforting to her to watch it continue to grow.