Mum died 15 months ago, I have had threads on here before she passed and after but had to nc a while ago.
Dad was mums carer for 7 years they were together over 40 years. My dad was abusive towards Mum their entire married life and during the time he cared for her he was even worse. He said awful things to her, wished her dead treated her roughly.
He's upset all the time, he won't contemplate grief counselling, he won't think about joining any sort of clubs to meet others says he doesn't like people, he just moans constantly about everything and everyone he hasn't got a nice word to say about anything.
Tonight he told me that I was doing ok because I hadn't spent a lifetime with Mum therefore my grief was less than his!
I didn't abuse my mum, I didn't treat her as if she was a burden or a piece of crap, we were so close that it's now difficult for me to work out where I begin and she ends because our lives were so entwined, we talked everyday.
I'm doing ok mostly, because I know that Mum wanted me to live my best life and because sadly life moves on with or without my participation. I will never get over losing Mum I have managed to find a place where my sadness resides and carry on. I have awful days still I miss her so much she was the world to me.
Not once has my dad asked me how I am it's always always about him. He is so selfish and self absorbed. No suggestion is met with consideration just a flat no.
He threw away some of mums stuff the other day and text me to say 'oh don't worry it's nothing I value' which says it all, nothing he values but there were things in there that my brother and I did value!
He's put the phone down on me tonight and I don't care if I never speak to him again. He's such hard work and he drains me. I am so angry with him and so tired of being upset.