Christmas cards addressed to the deceased relative

[ButchyRestingFace]

Soooooo,

I’ve been getting the redirected Christmas cards from those who didn’t obviously didn’t get the message that my mum is dead.

One of them contained the much-mocked-at-on-MN round robin with the lovingly detailed lowdown on what her kids are up to.

Fortunately, I had anticipated that this might happen. Ever the Girl Guide, I got out my writing stationary and set to work.

It’s actually quite hard to fashion a well crafted:

”I do hope you’re well.

I really don’t know you from Adam, so this is just a (very) brief note to let you know my mum dropped dead passed away very suddenly some months ago.”

One doesn’t want to be too blunt, but on the other hand, what else is there to say?

Pfft. It's crap getting these letters, even if you are half expecting them.

Not sure there is much else to say. What you've written is fine.

I would go along the lines of
Thank you for the card you sent Mum (/mother).

I am sorry to tell you she passed away in X month of this year.
Kind regards.

If you know them at all and don't mind hearing from them put your address at the top for the condolence letter that may follow.

Hope Christmas goes OK.

So sorry, this must be very hard. I have to say, you’re a better person than me, I’d be taking the view that if they weren’t close/important enough to be notified/hear about your DM then I’d not be bothering to notify them now. But then I am feeling a little bitter myself at the moment....

I suppose you don’t want them sending cards ad infinitum. So well done for getting the task done - I see nothing wrong with keeping it brief, although they might want to know how your mum died?

the first Christmas is always going to be hard.

That’s pretty much what I said, except I didn’t thank them for the card, nor did I say “I’m sorry to have to tell you.”

And I’m not rewriting cos the envelopes are sealed and stamped!

Back to finishing school for me!

But I did include my address for the mass cards that had better follow after my glorious efforts!

Going through this myself at the moment. It's shit. DM was a mad Christmas card writer so I'm getting millions of them that I'm having to respond to and getting all these horrified responses in return. I do give a very brief break down of how she died because people always want to know with a sudden death but it's shit every time. Sigh.

My mum anticipated this when Dad died, and sent her cards out in November with a note saying that he had sadly passed on.

She died in January this year, and I dropped a note to the people who wouldn't have known, but who sent her a card last Christmas.

As most of her friends are elderly (possibly with dementia), she has had three cards this year, one from a friend who wrote a lovely letter when she died, saying how wonderful Mum had been when they first met!

Sad, but have to let it go. No-one means any harm.

I suppose you don’t want them sending cards ad infinitum. So well done for getting the task done - I see nothing wrong with keeping it brief, although they might want to know how your mum died?

Yes, I did think of that. I was a bit cryptic because I really couldn’t bring myself to write “I found her dead in her home”. It seemed a bit bald.

I also thought I should maybe wait until after Xmas but when I get the bit between my teeth, I really like to get it over and done with.

And also, realistically speaking, nobody is going to be sitting crying into their spuds on Xmas day because they received my little epistle on the 23rd.

There were actually fewer cards than anticipated, so I should count myself lucky really.

Meh, the frills of the message are overrated. Too blunt would be crossing the envelope and writing Deceased, return to sender.

Agree best to do it before Christmas. It would otherwise be hanging over you.

Meh, the frills of the message are overrated. Too blunt would be crossing the envelope and writing Deceased, return to sender.

LOL. Now why didn't I think of that?

I think what you’ve done is absolutely fine. Like I say, if they weren’t close enough to know she had died they don’t need to know the why and wherefores. Sorry again for your loss, but sense of humour helps, well done!

My mum loved sending and receiving cards at Christmas and receiving the round robin letters and actually I used to enjoy reading the round robins too. But my mum had only Christmas contact with these old friends for decades. They are all elderly friends now in varying states of ill health. My mum would wonder and worry about the friends she hadn't heard from.
I'm sorry to hear of your mother's sudden death. My mum had a massive stroke two years ago and has been severely disabled by it.

I had to send one of those types of letters too after my DM died. It was to a distant cousin of hers (I think) who actually lived abroad. I doubt my DM had seen her for at least 60 years so goodness knows why they bothered sending cards. I never got a reply and we have now sold the house I've no idea if the cards have stopped.

I'm not sure the original poster will see this, but I found this post when I searched "what to tell people that mail my mom Christmas cards when she died in February and I don't know them from a hole in the wall." 🤔

The one I got today was talking about how she's enjoying Mom's pictures on Facebook and how she misses her. My smart a*s self wants to say "Yeah, you missed her alright, by 9 months!" Then ask her how she's enjoying those FB pictures that haven't changed for over 2 years?

I know I've got to address this, and it won't be the last one, either. However, I don't think Hallmark makes a card for this particular reason. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Sad, but have to let it go. No-one means any harm

This. I know.

Oh God, I haven't heard from my 80+ year old friend in months and have sent out cards and many letters to her. I'm worried that this has been the case with her. No round robin though.

@1234hello

I think what you’ve done is absolutely fine. Like I say, if they weren’t close enough to know she had died they don’t need to know the why and wherefores. Sorry again for your loss, but sense of humour helps, well done!

I don't think this is fair. I have known my friend for 40 years but it doesn't mean any of her family would know to tell me promptly.