Waiting for the end. I feel detached.

[Goingalonenow]

Close relative in his last hours. He's only 56 but has had a long illness, hospitalised after an infection recently.
He's very agitated and upset. He's aware that he's going to die soon and he's terrified. I feel fucking helpless because I can't do anything except sit there and hold his hand. I've come outside to get coffee and give someone else a turn.

I feel very numb about it all. Like it's not quite real. How do I get through this? How am I meant to feel?

Hand hold for you. I have no advice I'm afraid, but didn't want to read and run.

I'm so sorry. Its a surreal situation and you aren't meant to feel any way except how you are feeling. Even if that is 'nothing' Everyone is different.
Being there is what you can do, what you are doing, and is so very important.
When I was losing my DF, I was numb. Totally. When he made the decision to withdraw all meds and we knew what that meant, I headed to him at the hospital. By that time he was unconscious. It took him 5 days to pass away. I'm pretty sure he knew we were there (me, Step-DM, Step-DSis, and my DS2 who was 5 months at the time and whom I couldn't leave at home many hours away) I'm hoping our presence comforted him, and my chatting to him helped. I won't ever know but I'm glad we were there.

I stayed numb BTW. I barely ever cried about it. This was 8 years ago. I don't know why as he was the most important person in my life.

Feel as you do. Cope as you do. No-one else can dictate that. Just know that your being there is invaluable to him.

They've removed his IV fluids and all medication, I know it could go on a while.

He wants everyone to hold on to him. Hes very scared. I'll be going back in in a while.

Thoughts are with you. I posted almost the exact thing in May when sitting with my mum in hospital. It took 2 days for her to go after her fluids were removed. During that time we just chatted about old times ( she was unconscious as wanted to be sedated). The numb feeling lasted a good few months. My only advice is to make sure you tell him you love him. That brings me comfort that I told mum as we weren't that sort of family!

If he's agitated and terrified the staff must give him some sort of sedation such as Midazolam - poor man.

Don't let him suffer this way - please speak to the doctor/nurses.

He's had morphine, waiting for a consultant to ask about sedation. Also waiting for a side room to free up.

That's Good, a side room is essential. Still thinking of you

I'm so sorry, does your friend have a faith?...if so, get a pastor or lay person there to give scriptural comfort. I'm a Buddhist and would request that...If not, then music, a favourite book passage reading?, just love and comfort....

He's never been spiritual but he's got music on.

I have to leave now and collect DD from my SIL, the nurses say it could go on for a while.

Just got the call. He passed away a little while ago.

So sorry Goingalonenow. Look after yourself.

I'm so sorry for your loss

, Going. There is no correct way to feel for you. That your rel wanted to be touched and held would have been comfort for him and them. I hope and trust the contact helped his fear.

So sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry going, I've been where you are now.

Instinctively you will know what to do, and it's different for everyone. If you're numb, or crying, or angry (or even sometimes happy!) then let it happen. There's no wrong way to get through this.

I'm angry that he suffered at the end and had no dignity. No side room, not enough pain relief.

So sorry for your !loss x

So sorry Going. I'm sure he appreciated you being there for him.

I'm so sorry OP.