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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

I am the only one left from my family unit :(

26 replies

sayerville · 13/02/2017 17:02

Dad died in 2010 Mum in 2015 and I lost my younger brother a month ago, he was 55.
I feel like I am so alone even though I have my DD and DH. I don't think I have grieved properly for my parents let alone the recent loss of my brother.
I cry each day, my face is a mess and I worry about my future as they all passed with brain related illnesses so this must be my fate.
Grief is a terrible thing :(

OP posts:
DevelopingDetritus · 13/02/2017 17:13

So sorry for all your losses. Life is hard sometimes and tests us to the limits for sure.
Do you have anyone you can have a good talk with. If not, have you tried any of the bereavement charities.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry · 13/02/2017 17:18

Just wanted to send some Flowers. To be blunt the crying sounds good - that is part of processing grief. Are you able to talk to your brother's family about him and their daily life?

SleepFreeZone · 13/02/2017 17:22

That's so sad, I'm so sorry Flowers

I think for many of us there will be a point where our parents and siblings (if we have any) have passed away and it is just us left. My dad is very very ill, my Mother is in her mid seventies and my sister is starting to get health problems brought on by constant work and stress. I suspect I will lose them all before I die myself and the thought is horrific. I think it's important to try and grieve if you can, do you think counselling might be an option?

Guitargirl · 13/02/2017 17:23

Flowers for you OP. That is a young age to lose your brother.

Would it help give you some peace of mind to visit the GP and talk through some of your family medical history and how that is impacting upon your fears for your own health? Go private if necessary.

Surreyblah · 13/02/2017 17:24

That's really sad, am so sorry about your family.

Lolimax · 13/02/2017 17:25

I'm sorry for your losses. Apart from my DC's I have no close relatives left. I'm the only child of 2 only children, both my parents have died. I'm 47 but it's still not a nice feeling. My DH comes from a huge family he doesn't know half his cousins and I haven't got any.
You get used to it. It's actually made me determined to live to be very old and decrepit.

endofthelinefinally · 13/02/2017 17:26

So sorry for your losses Flowers
I have lost my parents, a sibling, and most recently (5 months ago) my eldest child.
It is only a month since you lost your DB. No wonder you are so distressed.
I have found CRUSE very helpful and will be having some bereavement counselling from them.
I have also had a lot of support from other bereaved parents locally - sometimes your GP can tell you about local support groups.

Not only are you grieving, but clearly you are very worried about the possibility of developing a brain related illness yourself. I think you should make an appointment with your GP to discuss your fears. Better to have the conversation that to worry on your own.

Also - the support from MNers on here got me through the darkest days and weeks after DS died. I could post here when I couldn't speak without sobbing.

Original poster
sayerville · 13/02/2017 17:50

Thank you all so much for your lovely support x
Has anyone tried Cruse counselling, this is the only once can find.

OP posts:
Blossomdeary · 13/02/2017 17:52

Please do not assume that this will be your "fate" - you do not know that and you have enough to contend with with these recent sad losses. Flowers

redfairy · 13/02/2017 17:55

This is so sad OP. I worry as I get older (I am 49) and there are more people below me than above me. I haven't tried Cruse Counselling but my DD had bereavement counselling from Relate when she was younger. I wonder if they do adults too.

mainlywingingit · 13/02/2017 17:56

Sorry for all your losses. Could you see a brain specialist privately and get your brain scanned so
To relieve anxiety on that front ? It would be reasonable after 3 family brain related deaths. Good luck

Original poster
sayerville · 13/02/2017 19:04

I am so scared to have a scan, silly isn't it ? Do I want to know, should I know?

OP posts:
DevelopingDetritus · 13/02/2017 19:23

There maybe an operation or treatment though. Knowledge is power and all that. Best wishes.

butterfly990 · 13/02/2017 21:49

My partner died of a brain tumour. Our local GP's have been very supportive of our concerns regarding my own health and in particular my daughter.

Go and get checked out, not knowing is worse. Flowers

Be kind to yourself, allow yourself the time to grieve and allow others to help you.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 13/02/2017 21:59

In exactly the same position as you Sayer. No advice - it sucks. All I can do is send Flowers and hugs. No help I know, but really didn't want to read and run

yousignup · 13/02/2017 22:04

Oh, such a lot of loss in so few years. I am sorry, OP. I have a neurological condition, and I would much rather know than not. I am thinking of you.

Original poster
sayerville · 14/02/2017 09:57

As you all probably know some days are worse than others, as my Mum passed on Valentines day I am scattering my brothers ashes with where we placed Mums later today, he was disabled and was Mum's world so she'd Iike that, I take comfort that they are all together now wherever that may be. I am feeling really emotional and not looking forward to collecting his ashes later.
Probably I am best not knowing but I'd still like to plan but where do you start with such a thing?

OP posts:
DevelopingDetritus · 14/02/2017 15:15

How did you get on today OP?

Original poster
sayerville · 14/02/2017 17:47

It was emotional developing thank you for asking x very sad. Had a teary morning and it's kinda gone on all day. My Mums twin auntie was with me too.
I still am in disbelief, it's very hard to come to terms with.

OP posts:
ArseyTussle · 14/02/2017 17:51

Poor you sayer. The deaths of our parents brought me and my sister together, having not previously been that close, so I can see how being left 'all alone' is making you feel bereft.

If you could summon up the courage to see a doctor about your concerns for your own health would that help, do you think? Then you're 'just' dealing with the bereavement and not the fear for your own future.

plinkyplonkyploo · 14/02/2017 17:54

Thinking of you OP.

Original poster
sayerville · 14/02/2017 18:32

Thanks all x and that you for your kind comments x
I am still off work and will go back after half term. I am very weepy and most days I cry but to be honest how can I know when this will end, I can't stay off work forever and I feel a fraud being off when I am not really 'ill'. Having said that I need a high level of concentration but I don't know how I'd cope or on the flip it might divert my thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
sayerville · 14/02/2017 19:16

I think one of the reasons why I m struggling was he had lots of health issues including autism and MH issues, so he was so very vulnerable and in a way when Mum and Dad were ill and could no longer cope he became more like my own child. That and he didn't have a great life, I tired to make it better for him, so many meetings etc just to keep him where he was with funding and care. It's been tough and now all this element has gone from my life and I feel guilty for being relieved that the fight with social services is over.

OP posts:
Violetcharlotte · 14/02/2017 19:21

I can't offer any advice, but I can only imagine how sad you must be feeling/ Flowers

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 14/02/2017 21:17

Don't feel guilty at all. You have nothing to feel guilty about. It WILL get better Sayer - not yet, but it will. Flowers and hugs xxxx

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