I would've phoned dad tonight

[Mner]

So he could wish me good luck for an exam on Friday. I can't hear what he would've said. I've dug out his shower gel twice to boost some memories and I still can't hear him

A for you.

I think he would have said go for it, you can do it, he's proud of you and you've nothing to worry about now get to it and nail it. Hope it all goes well.

That would have been the subtext for sure. He'd have said something much less normal like 'well you've done some revision haven't you?'.

Thank you. Funny how it hits you when you don't expect it.

Can I say what was said to me?

Just do your best no-one can ask for more.
~Good luck with the exam.

Grief is sneaky, it recedes and comes back in waves. You just have to keep riding it out.

Grief is sneaky, it recedes and comes back in waves. You just have to keep riding it out.

Sorry about double post!

Dad's evaluation of most most things was 'did do your best?'. Answer normally yes. Then 'well then':

Do your best in your exam.

That's what he would have expected.

You don't always hear those who have passed. You just know in your heart what they are telling you; through their lessons in life, examples they showed you and often the very blood in your veins and the features you share.

As I get older I now see my GM (and best friend) in me. Things I say, looks, attitude and even expressions - that my DS is now picking up on. People do live on through their loved ones. When I was raw with grief I didn't believe that. I do now

4.5 yrs since he went. I have dedicated my PhD to him and have my viva on Friday. I know he would have been so proud. He would never have any told me that but he'd have been straight on the phone to my aunties.

I definitely think that re living on through us. I was upset not to have known his parents so well but I now think if I knew him, I knew them too. They're all there inside.

My dad died 10 years ago. 8 years later my dd sang "Sit down you're rocking the boat" in her school musical. I cried watching her (nail it) because I know how much he would have enjoyed it - he sang that song to us all the time when we were kids.

I tell my children that when we cry or feel sad missing someone it is a tribute to them - a sign of how much they were loved and remembered.

Best of luck to you OP.

They're all there inside.

A second cousin recently buried her daughter who died young. She was buried next to my cousin's mother who also died young. My cousin said when she visited the grave she sometimes wondered at the fact that when she was in her mother's womb, all her eggs were inside her and one of those became her daughter who was now buried next to a woman whom she had been inside - as an egg- even though they never were alive together on this earth. Amazing really.

I know what you mean by not 'hearing' him. My dad passed in April and , I can't quite remember his actual voice in my head, the timbre, tone or inflections just aren't there. If I try to recall my husbands voice its right there. I pondered for ages on calling his voicemail but I didn't have the guts.

I have videos of dad but I am not quite ready to see him 'alive' again, especially as the videos I have are of him in his prime, my best memories of him. For years before he was diagnosed with cancer he had changed quite significantly from the strong charasmatic man he is in those videos and had become quite doddery despite only being in his 70's so maybe that is why I cant quite recall?

It is a tough balancing act between being desperate to hear/see them even if only by videos and the pain that brings of the loss. It'll get easier to dig those out in time.

I went to sleep last night realising that the only picture of dad upstairs was in my son's room. There were 3 pics of him out downstairs. So I put the legs on my new dressing table, and put one of the photos out on it pride of place. He hated having his picture taken. This is one of the few where he is really properly smiling.

I had a 'chat' with the photo before I left. He didn't need to say anything today. I could see it on his face. But god do I miss him.