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Original poster

My son should be 5 today

39 replies

threelittlegifts · 02/01/2007 23:25

ds1 ws stillborn at 32 weeks gestation on 2nd Jan 2002. Since then I have had ds2 who is 4, and dd who is 16mo. They are beyond fab but at this time of year I always have a bit of a slump.
We've had a nice day today, devoted to ds1, and have done lots of nice things for him. My ds2 sang an impropmtu happy birthday to him at his grave, which only made me smile. Lots of people have remembered us today (thanks to my MN friends who sent me messages) and it has been as nice a day as it could have been really.
But I feel so hollow. Every year I realise, again, that this is forever, and I will be sad forever. Not all the time, as I have a great happy time with ds2 and dd. But every year it seems to get harder, the fact that I am another year further away from him. I remember his birth like it was yesterday. I knew he had gone, but was so happy and proud to see and hold him.
Sorry for rambling on, am on my own and feeling sad, and just wanted to share my lovely son with you.
Happy Birthday Joseph xxx

OP posts:
fussymummy · 03/01/2007 00:32

Happy birthday to little Joseph xxx

threelittlegifts hope the day was ok for you.
Made me cry reading this, as i feel bad this time of year as well.

13 Jan will be the 7th anniversary from when my special little boy was stillborn.

Be strong for your other two.

Thats what i try and do for my three. xx

fireflyxmasfairylights2 · 03/01/2007 01:00

Oh dear, the tears are tripping me.

Happy happy birthday to beautiful Joseph, too lovely for this world.. born asleep, peaceful.

I lost a nephew, Nathan, also stillborn. My SIL & brother talk about him all the time. Despite the fact he never took a breath they love & miss him with all their hearts. He has a lovely grave, with his own little angel. They have an open book on the grave, now If you're not holy then this might not suit, they have a phrase "Jesus came to visit one day, & took our little angel away"

I know Joseph knows that you love him, just as Nathan knows that his family visit him every day....

Thinking of you.

Original poster
threelittlegifts · 03/01/2007 14:58

Thanks so much for all your replies, kind words and for sharing your experiences.

Am feeling a little better today. ds2 and dd are at my mums for the day- supposedly so I could have the whole day to myself to look through Joseph's things and work on his book, something I have not done for about 4 years. I havent done any yet though- been doing "work" work even though I would rather be doing "Joseph" things.

Thanks again everyone

OP posts:
Original poster
threelittlegifts · 03/01/2007 20:45

bumping, so people who replied see my thanks

OP posts:
Nemo2007 · 03/01/2007 20:52

3LG you know completely how much in awe of your strength I am. Joseph will be so proud to have you as his mummy and M as his daddy. He is a much loved member of your family and regardless of how long it has been you know he cant be any further away as he is so dear to you all. As you said about J singing happy birthday and sending balloons to his big brother shows how much he is adored and still here everyday.

Lucycat · 03/01/2007 20:55

awww happy Birthday little Joseph for yesterday.

You're right, your 2 are lovely, especially gorgeous G who I have met!!

Rhubarb · 03/01/2007 21:03

Hi threelittlegifts! I can't offer words of consolation, this has never happened to me and I have no idea how you feel or how I would feel if it ever happened to me. But I do think that even though his little life was so short, it was not in vain. He touched both you and your dp, he changed you, made you more compassionate, more empathetic. You are both different people today than you would have been had this tragedy not happened. Ok, you are sadder, but it has also had a positive impact on your lives, given you virtues you might not have had before.

His little life had a purpose. So embrace the positives he gave to you and try to see his birthday in a positive way. Perhaps you could adopt a child in a third world country? In his memory?

Happy birthday little Joseph, you were a special little boy and you have very special parents!

whatkatydidntdo · 03/01/2007 21:07

Sending best wishes to you threelittlegifts.
X

megandsoph · 03/01/2007 21:10

Happy birthday Joseph x x x x

carlsberg · 03/01/2007 21:11

My bf lost twin boys 14 years ago when they were a few days old. She now had her ds 12 and dd 10 and has a good life and a strong happy marriage but her dss are always in her mind. I remember her crying the day they should have started high school.
She has been so strong, even though she thinks she hasn't and although she is not particularly religous, she is adamant she will meet up with them in another life.
Hugs to you and happy birthday to your special little Joseph. xxxx

Biglips · 03/01/2007 21:33

xxxxx Happy bday Joseph xxxxx

jeangenie · 03/01/2007 21:40

thinking of you and Joseph, happy belated birthday

it is so nice that you all remember him at this time of year (though am sure you do that al year round too) and that your other children know about their big brother, that way he is always a part of all your lives

threelittlesnowdrops · 05/01/2007 00:15

nemo, lucycat, rhubrb, wkdd, megandsoph, carlsberg, biglips, jeangenie-

just wanted to thank you all for your messages. Have not been online much but wanted to let you know how much they helped.

Rhubarb- that is a wonderful idea. I will definitely do that for Joseph's next birthday, and for my best friend's son too.

Thanks again for all your support xxx

maisym · 05/01/2007 01:02

thoughts threelittlegifts xxx

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