To mention deceased daughter

[Mommagonnaknockyouout]

I've worked in my current job for a few months new. They knew how many children I have but today things went a little more in to detail. Sadly a child of mine died when she was really young. I struggle with this a lot. So when I mentioned her it went quiet but they wos lovely and we carried on conversation about my existing children. I don't no if I did the right thing in mentioning my daughter

Of course you did. Just because she's no longer with you, she's still your DC and part of your life and who you are.

My DD died and I know exactly how you feel, you dont want to deny them but its a hard thing to talk about. There is nothing harder.

You certainly didn't do anything wrong.

I recently put some plants on my daughters grave and fretted about if I should say anything when people asked me what I did while away. I tend to mention her and then talk about something connected but not specifically her. So I said how I had planted them on her grave but then talked about the specific plants.

Love to you and any bereaved parent who reads this.

Thank you both ?? I don't want my work to feel uncomfortable. I need th to acknowledge that some days I do have down days whilst others I'm ok. I'm not after pity or sympathy . Would just like to mention her some times

I tend to be naturally nosey inquisitive and when I was talking to one of ds's friends mums about our kids being onlies she mentioned she had another dc who died. As we were chatting one to one I felt comfortable asking her about her dc as I could judge if/when to stop, but I do find this harder in a group conversation.

It sounds weird, but I always feel strangely privileged when someone shares stories of someone close they've lost.

I lost my eldest dd and sometimes when I mention her, I wonder if I should of. The other week at school mum drinks I was chatting to someone I don't know very well. I have 4 dds and she was mentioning how hard it would be to name them. So I mentioned that I've actually had 5 dds, and yes, names were tricky. I was a bit drunk, should I have mentioned it?

But I think it's all part of our story and we should mention this when relevant. Especially if you were to have a friendship with this work colleague, it's part of your life and I think it is appropriate that you mention her.

I get it though. I really don't want people's pity, but it's part of my story and I don't like 'hiding' part of my life if it is relevant iyswim.

I understand. I'm typically a person who wears her heart on sleeve and is very open but this time being with new people the last 5 months kept a lid on it. They are a lovely bunch

Of course you should mention her. In a way it might be worse if you didn't mention her...might somehow be harder after you've known them a long time.

You're very considerate to be concerned about their feelings, they'll only be uncomfortable for a few minutes, you'll always be a bereaved mum, so your feelings matter more here anyway imo. If you want to talk about her, you should be able to.

I think it is lovely that you mentioned her. She will always be important to you. She is as much as part of you as your breath. I guess sometimes we share and others we don't, what surprises me is I often share when I never expected I would. At Dd1s horse riding on Saturday on of the mum's asked me if I was pregnant, when I said I was she made a comment about how I will have my hands full with four. I just smiled and shared with her that actually it should have been five but I lost my dd2. She was lovely about it. Some people are perfect to share with. Your colleagues will feel honoured that you chose them to know