Am I the only one......

[CarlyP]

Am I the only one that remembers that you were ever here
Am I the only one that remembers that you are always near

Am I the only one that remembers you should be here today
Am I the only one that remembers you should not have been taken away

Am I the only one that remembers the day it all went wrong
Am I the only one that remembers the pain in my heart all along

Am I the only one that remembers how much I wanted you
Am I the only one that remembers what I?ve been going through

And if I am the only one that remembers what you mean to me,
then im the only one that remembers a love no-one can see

And if I?m then only one who remembers, then that?s ok with me
?cos if I?m the only one that remembers in my heart you?ll always be

Cx

just made me cry as I feel like that for my 3 mcs. Nobody else thinks of or mentions them

made me cry too, having a hard time at mo and as due date creeps nearer, it really hurts

hugs to you carlyp

carlyp thats beautiful, made me cry, but it is soo true we feel the pain that no1 else can understand.

my baby's due date was this Thursday.

Was jsut sitting at work, and it came to me. my babys due date is 23rd sept, but i had my other 2 early, so prob eould have been here now. im so low. totally depressed. i cant have any more and i feel its all coming 'on top'. thinking about doing some counselling.

hugs and lots of lvoe to you all.

cx

I think counselling sounds like it could be good for you.

oh god, do i sound that f*cked up??......

been trying to 'lift' myself out of this depression, but cant seem to.

if it's not too personal carly, why can't you have any more?

have you asked your gp/ hospital/ mv if there is a bereavement counsellor attached to your local amtenatal ward?
my m/c was jul04 and i saw a counsellor just before my due date 3 march05. it helped a bit. but tbh the thing that helped most was getting pg again. sorry if that makes things worse...

oh , please ignore me. i'm not helping

I HAVE ENDOMETRIOSIS AND PCOS.

I HAD AN ENDOMETRIAL ABLATION LAST MNTH (REMOVES LINING OF UTERUS) TO SLOW THE BLEEDING, WHICH MAY SLOW THE ENDO GROWTH AND GIVE ME LESS PAIN EVERYDAY. YOU COULD STILL FALL PREG BUT THE DR SAID YOU WOULDNT GET TO VIABLE, LET ALONE TERM, SO SUGGESTED A STERILISATION AS I SAID I COULDNT COPE WITH ANOTHER M/C LET ALONE A V V LATE ONE OR STILLBIRTH. SO I HAD IT DONE.

DO I REGRET IT?....EVERYDAY
DO I KNOW I MADE THE RIGHT LONG TERM DECISION....PROBABLY
DO I WANT TO CRY AND TURN BACK TIME?...YES

CX

Stinkypete,

id love to fall preg again. 1-10,000 chance of that happening according to dr.

but i cant cling to that, i need to get over 'wanting and waiting' as i cant live my life like that.

cx

oh, carly that sounds too sad. wasn't there any counselling available at the time. could you ask for some now? as you said - coming up to the due date is a really hard time for anyone, but in your situation it's even harder i'm sure.

are you able to plan anything to do on the due date? even if it's just a short time on your own to reflect and mourn your loss

sorry, xposts. i realise that's not right for you

stinkypete,

We bought a rose earlier in the yr, and on the 23rd we plan to do something together with the boys, maybe a boat trip or something. thanks for the support. xxxx

cx

don't know if you're in a place for this yet.. but. you know how sometimes you can just suddenly look at something a different way round? 6 months after my m/c, i one day looked at my ds (then 1.5) and thought he's so not ready for a baby sibling and i'm really lucky to have him as my baby for while longer.
do you think there's a way you could look at your family nad just think they're so fab/ i'm so lucky; this is my family- it's complete nad it's brill?
maybe you're not at that place yet. and i'm sorry if i've said too much
xxx

stinkypete,

no you havent said too much!

some days i do feel like that. but as the due date approaches i seem to be feeling worse. i do look around and think how lucky i am, but its hard when you know that something you also want so badly was here, but was taken away.....

if you do feel ok sometimes, then i bet it's the due date approaching that's making things more difficult. make a big effort to mark that day - you'll regret it looking back if you don't. as with any bereavement by next year it won't have the same rawness.
it's crap, but it will pass

carly - you don't sound any worse than anyone else in this situation. But you've had a lot to deal with since your mc and emotionallly it is a lot to take on in such a short space time. 9 months ago your future seemed so different and it will take time to adjust to your new future.
Did you see desperatehousewife's recent thread?

it's just dawned on me-
you're at work now yes? would you have been finishing for maternity leave this week? all these milestones hurt

yep, would have been on maternity leave now.

havent seen DHW thread, whats it about??

thanks

cxxx

dhw thread started 2 aug, she's had 2 late m/c and saying similar to what we've just said about being happy with her family as is. it's beautifully written, well worth a look

here is dhw's thread
sorry I didn't post the link earlier.

thanks cupcakes, will take a look now

Hi Carly, your poem at the bottom has made me cry this morning, it sums up exactly how I feel about my first baby who I lost at 16 weeks. No-one ever seems to remember and 3 years on it still hurts just as much - but I can cope with the hurt much better. Give yourself time, it sounds as though you were in an impossible situation where either choice would have caused hurt so you went with the medical advice, I'm sure many of us would have done the same. When I was going through the initial pain I didn't want to deal with anything but after a time I found the stories and poems on this helpful - they made me cry, but also made me feel less alone.