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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

Late tfmr spina bifida

10 replies

Worried9months · 02/06/2014 21:57

Hi there

I am having a termination tomorrow at 19 weeks a due to a spina bifida diagnosis.

This baby was much wanted and I'm finding it hard to cope right now.

I know we have a difficult day ahead of us and I'm scared of just how many.

I'm going round in circles with feelings that I have accepted what has happened then struggling and panicking again.

I suppose I'm just looking for reassurance that things do get better and that we can go on to have healthy pregnancies

OP posts:
elfycat · 02/06/2014 22:23

I'm sorry to hear that you are in a position to have had to make this decision. I'm probably going to be lame at any advice so I won't try.

Yes you can go on to have a healthy pregnancy, but right now you need to focus on looking after yourself.

It's a brave decision to have made and of course you have mixed feelings. It will be OK, but I'd expect the emotional healing to take a while, even months. Keep posting if you need support.

Pinter · 02/06/2014 22:26

Sorry to hear you're going through this. Do you have RL support?

Thanks For you

BumWad · 02/06/2014 22:31

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Have you thought about what you are going to do afterwards? Maybe have a little keepsake box of baby's things. Are you going to have a funeral?

I hope everything goes as well as it can tomorrow. I have been through a loss although not due to a medical condition. It does get better I promise. Do give yourself time to grieve.

X

chocolateWaffles · 02/06/2014 22:41

I'm so sorry you're going through this.Thanks

Things will get better, and you have just as much likelihood of a healthy pregnancy after as anyone else does. A lot of miscarriages could well be due to developmental problems which parents are unaware of, the only difference is you know what the problem is.

One thing that struck me was that you said about the baby being planned and you finding it hard to cope now. I hope that is with the situation alone, and that you are not feeling you have to terminate due to anyone else's input.
As long as you are 100% sure that it's for the best then you are making the right decision but make sure you don't feel pressured into something you will regret because you feel it is what you 'have to do'.

Sorry if I'm stepping over the line there I just wanted to comment incase the situation isn't purely your decision, as I had a lot of pressure to terminate DDs pregnancy.

Goldmandra · 02/06/2014 23:51

Of course you can go on to have a healthy pregnancy. I worked for a long time with young people with spina bifida and not one had a sibling with it, even the girl with nine younger brothers and sisters.

If you're really having second thoughts you must say so. This isn't something you should be pushed into by anyone else's opinion or needs. If you need more information, get it before you go ahead.

Sending hugs.

Bangonthedoor · 03/06/2014 21:57

Thinking of you today OP Thanks

chocolateWaffles · 03/06/2014 22:40

Been thinking of you today, sending lots of hugs Thanks xxx

minmooch · 03/06/2014 23:21

Just seen this. I'm very sort that you are having to go through this. There are no words to make any of this any better but please know I am thinking of you.

Original poster
Worried9months · 05/06/2014 12:46

Thank u all for your lovely messages.

We are so glad we spent time with him and got to hold him and tell him we love him

OP posts:
FeelingPositive1 · 29/06/2014 15:49

I'm really sorry and glad you were able to hold your baby. I had a tfmr 2 yrs ago at 20 wks and a MMC this year so I know how hard it is. It does get easier. Wishing you all the best xxx

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