Coming up to the first anniversary

[Mhysa]

Since DF died, just under a month away, it getting harder, not easier.
Tonight has felt exactly like that first night, I just want a hug, but I don't feel deserving. He was estranged until 5 years before he passed, I was cut out of his funeral. I miss him so much, but feel my pain isn't valid.

I don't have any advice just wanted to give you an un-MNty .

(but perhaps you haven't been able to grieve properly because you didn't get to say goodbye, and maybe you should think about talking to a professional about it).