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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

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Original poster

My Dad died on Saturday and I feel nothing.

14 replies

ClementineKelandra · 30/05/2013 23:16

I haven't really cried or screamed. I just feel totally numb. Surely that's not normal? I keep waiting for the pain to come and for the tears to flow but nothing.

OP posts:

mummymccar · 30/05/2013 23:17

It sounds like you are still in shock. Do you want to talk about him? What was he like? Were you close?

Original poster

ClementineKelandra · 30/05/2013 23:28

That's the worst thing. We weren't close at all, I barely knew him. I'd just come to the decision that I was going to spend more time with him and try to really get to know him. And then he's gone.

How can somebody just be gone like that? I mean seriously where is he? He must surely be somewhere?

I really need to see him and hold him. I need my Daddy.

OP posts:

mummymccar · 30/05/2013 23:34

Oh sweetheart, I'm sending you so much love and hand holding.
Personally, I believe that everybody goes somewhere, wherever or whatever that place may be. I think that that place is different for every person, that it reflects their greatest loves.

Original poster

ClementineKelandra · 31/05/2013 08:43

Thank you, I definately need hand holding now. I need to believe he's somewhere and that he can hear me. There are so many things I should have said. I will never forgive myself for not telling him how much I loved him.

OP posts:

telsa · 31/05/2013 09:19

It is so hard and I wish you all the best. Perhaps it eill hit you, perhaps it is a deep silent stoci grief. Let it come as it comes. There is no right way. Do not dwell on What could have been. I think that our parents are connected to us and do know in their heart of hearts that they are loved, even though we fail to tell them.

Minkulus · 31/05/2013 10:40

Darling girl, it's very early days and you have had a huge shock.
You will probably not feel much for a little time while your brain gives you time to get used to it. Let yourself have that time as it will give you the chance to be ready when the difficult and painful feelings come.

I lost someone recently and I understand that feeling of wishing you could tell them things, to finish things and say sorry etc. Find a quiet time for yourself and do it, just talk out loud to him. I really believe that somehow and somewhere the connection is still there.

Keep posting here as there are many amazing people on MN who will give you support.

There are some good helplines and they may be a source of help when you are ready. Cruse 0844 477 9400

There is no right way to experience grief. Be good to yourself and let the feelings come when they may. Sending you love. Xx

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 31/05/2013 12:26

Oh darling, holding your hand too.

He IS somewhere, he will always be in your heart and I am sure he knew he was loved.

You are in shock at the moment, your bodies way of helping you digest the information.

It's early days, be kind to yourself and keep talking x

Original poster

ClementineKelandra · 03/06/2013 19:19

It's his funeral tomorrow. How do I get through it without sobbing uncontrollably throughout? I don't even want to go.

OP posts:

ajandjjmum · 03/06/2013 19:26

So sorry that you've lost your Dad - it's a tough time - don't expect anything of yourself.

LittleFrieda · 03/06/2013 21:19

It's OK to sob uncontrollably. I hope the funeral is of comfort and it goes well. X

PacificDogwood · 03/06/2013 21:25

There is no right way to grieve.
You feel whatever you feel and that will change with time.
You might feel quite cheated if you had just decided to seek him out more and then he is snatched from you?
I am no help as to where he is now, sorry.

In time you might consider contacting CRUSE - they are excellent at what they do. Have a wander round their website, even now.

Don't worry about the funeral - you'll either cry or you won't; you'll totally lose it or you won't. It won't matter: he was your dad and it's his funeral, of course it will be emotional.

Much strength to you.

Hassled · 03/06/2013 21:29

I'm so sorry. The funeral may well help you process your thoughts a bit. It sounds like it was a complicated relationship which must be making everything even harder - you said that you weren't close and barely knew each other, but you knew that you loved him, and he would have known that he loved you. All I can tell you is that however you're feeling, that's the way you should be feeling - there is no right or wrong here.

usualsuspect · 03/06/2013 21:29

If you need to sob at the funeral then do that, if you don't cry that's ok too.

There isn't a right way to grieve.

Sorry about your dad. Have you got any family to help each other through it?

Original poster

ClementineKelandra · 03/06/2013 22:36

I do feel cheated and so so devestated that I'll never get to know him.

Also I feel like I have no right to be grieve because he wasn't a huge part of my life. I have a younger half sister who grew up around him and she is understandably devestated that he's gone. It feels like she has more right to cry than me. If she sees me upset tomorrow I'm sure she'll be thinking why the hell do I feel like I have the right to cry.

OP posts:

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