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Bereavement

Find bereavement help and support from other Mumsnetters. See also your choices after baby loss.

Original poster

tomorrow is 6 months

28 replies

likesnowflakesinanocean · 15/05/2013 16:03

to the day that I last saw my fantastic mum. I am miserable today it hurts so much Sad every time I turn.on the tv that stupid up yours cancer advert is on. 45 years old, and fought so long and hard it breaks me up hearing all the I wouldn't be here without you speeches.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 15/05/2013 20:09

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm having health issues with my mum at the moment but she's 86 so I've a lot to be grateful for.

I hope in another 6 months' time you'll be able to remember the happy times with your mum.

Would it help to share some memories on here?

Thinking of you.

ssd · 15/05/2013 20:33

I'm sorry snow, I know how hard it hurts Sad

its just not fair losing your mum so young, theres just no sense in it

sometimes its a cruel world

I'm just sorry, I really am xx

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 15/05/2013 20:46

:( have been in floods of tears twice today, dp tries but i dont think he gets it its just another day and is no easier or harder than any other but to me its half a year. half a year that i havent seen her or spoke to her. stroked her hair like i used too and laughed that it was always softer than anything else in the world. I made spag bol yesterday just the way we always had it, sat down to eat on my own. she always drowned it in tomato ketchup which was weird as its already full off tomato sauce.

she loved her grandsons and saw them every day, spoilt them bloody rotten. she would be so proud of them both how much my nephew is talking now and how smiley he is and how hard ds is working to get over things he is scared of.

we used to go to the sandwich place most days when we were there, they knew our orders off by heart and always joked with us, bet they are on the verge of closure without us!

I miss her so much. im glad you are treasuring the time with your mum number and hope she keeps well. thanks for being kind to me ssd i feel awful moping about and am being super bitch girlfriend from hell to dp but im so sad :(

OP posts:
ssd · 15/05/2013 20:53

I know, its so hard keeping a smile on when you just feel like crying all the time xx

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 15/05/2013 21:00

i hate it, hate seeing other people with their mums. i feel awful but i always end up thinking why do you get your mum and i dont get mine.

even worse is people moaning about having to spend time with their family, makes me want to shake them. obviously i dont do this as i have a severe lack of friends as it is.

OP posts:
PollyLogos · 15/05/2013 21:16

I'm really sorry that you lost your mum, 45 really is far too young to die.It sounds like you were very close. xxx

everlong · 15/05/2013 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Numberlock · 15/05/2013 21:42

Have you considered bereavement counselling?

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 15/05/2013 21:54

i have but then i dont really like to be upset infront of people im not sure if i would do okay. i get as far as getting the phone number then never phone. she was gorgeous, inside and out. a far nicer person that i am anyway haha. we were all really close, spent pretty much every day together nearly me mum and my sis. my bro whenever he was off work. its like theres someone missing all the time. i hope she would be proud ive made alot of changes that i knew she wanted to see. x

OP posts:
Numberlock · 15/05/2013 21:57

Be kind to yourself, it's such early days. And could it help to use this thread as a little place to remember her?

Don't be afraid to open up and ask for real life help though later down the line.

karinmaria · 15/05/2013 22:39

Big hug OP.

Absolutely know how you're feeling - my mum passed away in January aged only 62 after two years battling leukaemia. There isn't a day that goes by without thinking of her and I cry most days. She never got to meet my DS who is now 6 weeks old - she would have been amazing with him and I can't quite believe I'm doing this without her help and love and advice.

It is so incredibly unfair.

(And I'm with you on those ruddy Cancer Research adverts. Hate them.)

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 08:14

maybe it could number, I'm Okay when I'm busy and with the kids but feel so lonely without her. I'm sorry to hear you have been through the same, its so hard but I'm sure she has looked down on your beautiful ds. its hard to not want to stamp your feet about how unfair it is. congratulations on your lovely ds he will get you through x

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 16/05/2013 13:53

Oh darling, it is such early days for you. When my mum died, I counted the weeks for such a long time.

Be gentle on yourself x

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 16:05

had a splitting headache so slept since lunchtime, don't know why I feel so bad it should be just another day. its so strange to think I havent seen her for half a year Sad. then I realise I wont see her again.

OP posts:
myflabberisgasted · 16/05/2013 16:15

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Your mum sounds amazing.

I too lost my mum at a young age, she was 53.
It's just been over 3 years now and not a day goes by when I dont think about her.
But it does get easier with time.
Just take each day as it comes and allow yourself to feel sad, please don't bottle your feelings up.

We're all here for you xx

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 16:46

maybe thats the problem, noone seems to talk about her anymore and i dont like it. so i feel miserable but say nothing about it. am doing some much needed retail therapy online :) sorry to hear that so many people are feeling the same and have been through the same its so hard. x

OP posts:
ssd · 16/05/2013 18:09

hi snow. I've just phoned cruse..again. I've phoned them about 3 times and they've never called back...and its so hard to phone them. I hope they call back, I havent the strength to keep phoning them.
I feel just the same as you. My mum died 8 months ago. No one mentions her. Siblings, awful. Theres no one who knew mum like me and wants to talk about her. Its awful. I need to spill my heart out, its making me run down, sounds like you're the same.
I''m sorry, wish you were near me, we'd cry together but we'd probably laugh too.

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 20:12

that would be good, I know exactly what you mean people seem scared to mention her but I just want to talk, to laugh and remember. I'm so scared of forgetting that would be worse than the pain

OP posts:
Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 20:12

that's a shame about cruse, I hope they do too. it means a lot to have someone to talk too even if they are a stranger

OP posts:
Numberlock · 16/05/2013 20:17

ssd I'd love to hear about your mum, and everybody else's too.

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 20:20

let's have a mum love threadGrin it'd be nice to what everyones stories and memories.

I shall kick us off , I can't eat fish pie. my mum used to make fish pie and we as children always hated it. now I want it more than anything but I darent make it cause its so her. she gave me a recipe book with all her favourite things in, one day ill make it. one day

OP posts:
Ridersofthestorm · 16/05/2013 20:41

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.

I lost my dear mum 13 years ago and there is not a single day that passes that I don't think about her. But it will get easier with time, i promise.
It's very hard in the beginning, what you are feeling is normal, let it out, talk about her (if you can). I still talk about my mum as if she is still here.

I still miss my mum especially since I've had my ds, I wish she could just hold him, it breaks my heart. I still feel sad when I see mothers and daughters out shopping, having lunch together, I think you are so lucky you have no idea.
But life goes on without them (strange and cruel I know), you will be fine, you just won't feel like it right now.

I'm holding my hand out to you right now OP x

Original poster
likesnowflakesinanocean · 16/05/2013 20:52

thanks rider, i was lucky to have her not the other way around she was v special. I feel much like you do when I see people out with their family x

OP posts:
karinmaria · 16/05/2013 20:53

Love the idea of a love mum thread Smile

It's so weird that no one talks about our mums anymore - why is that? My sister sort of talks about her but she's so young (25, I'm 29) that talking makes her realise what Ma will never see or experience with her.

A love Ma memory is also about food - we're Dutch and Ma would make the traditional apple fritters and raisin donuts every New Year's Eve. The recipes were handed down to her from her mum and while she was in hospital this January she handed me a bit of paper with the recipe on it. Will be making those this year.

Another one which will always make me smile is her laugh - we would randomly burst into fits of giggles at the silliest thing and her laugh would sound like the cartoon character Muttley (the white dog...). Brilliant.

As we say in Dutch - sterkte (strength) to all of you x

ssd · 16/05/2013 21:19

my mum was great, I've only realised how much alike we are now shes gone (dont mean I'm great Grin). I loved her steak and onions, have never managed to make it anywhere as good as hers. She last made it for me 4 years ago, but even then she was getting old, it wasnt the same...still ate it though Grin

I think I'll keep trying cruse, think its what I need, speaking to a stranger with nothing to be embarrassed about, I feel I need to hide my grief, like its embarrassing and weird to still miss mum 8 months after shes gone.