bereavement of a parent

[redroseart]

just lost my mum on 18th december 2012 struggling to come to terms with this.she was 86 and just gone in a nursing home was there for 2 weeks when against our wishes they pur her in hospital where she died 1 week later of pneumonia

i loved my mum and was lucky to have her for such a long time i am 61 but still feel her loss really badly anyone suggest a counselling service as i cannot move on from the grieving stage.

i also lost my wonderful little dog lexy who died on 13th december in a tragic car accident i am totally devastated and cannot carry on with my normal life not eating or sleeping just sitting drinking tea and smoking cigarettes. cant go out to do any shopping for 5 weeks. i cant even have a wash most days. she was my life and friend without her i am lost.

I'm so sorry.I lost my mum 10 yrs ago, she was only 69 and I was 33.And 3 weeks later I had to put my 16 year old dog to sleep and I know how devastating one of these things happening is without a double whammy, but it does get better.Have you been to see your g.p.? They would put you in touch with a counselor.

thankyou peacemoon i have been to see my doctor for counselling but have had a letter to say this is a normal process and should go back in 6 months time.i am thinking of going back and saying i need something now. cant get passed the crying and dibelief stage.

I think you should go back.It sounds like you are sinking into depression rather than just pure grief.Go back and tell him/her how low you really are and about the sleeplessness. Do you have family or friends you could share this with? I hope you do, talking really helps.

Bless you, do you have other family? It sounds like you miss her very much. I lost my Dad on 2nd December, he had been ill for five years and it was a relief when the end came. I am so busy that I haven't really had a chance to get my head round the whole things and seem on the surface to be moving on okay, but I know other family members are struggling daily. I think it will come later for me. I think the process is very different for different people. Do you have anyone close you can talk to? There is another thread on here for people grieving for a parent and some of the ladies on there are finding it very difficult. Maybe have a chat on there too :-).

So sorry for your loss.

I lost my lovely mum in August 2010 and it's the worst thing ever. it doesn't matter how old you are/she was, it is still a shock and a terrible terrible time.

Do you have supportive people around you?

It is such early days for you.....it will get easier in time. I miss my mum and think about her every day but the pain has numbed and I can now think of her without wanting to cry. It took me a fair while though so please be gentle on yourself. xx

Dear Redrose

I'm very sorry to hear that your mother died recently. My father died 46 years ago and my mother 13 years ago, so I can only advise that although it would have been a great shock for you to lose your mother it is only very early days since she died. At this stage you are going through the first haze of her dying and probably realizing that you are experiencing a different number of emotions all at the same time. All I can suggest is that you try to accept that you will feel this way for some time to come. Each person deals with grief differently, but it maybe a good idea that you take up your GP's suggestion of waiting a while before seeing a counsellor. Your world has been turned upside down and everything is very raw. You use very powerful language when you say your mother was your life and your friend. Do you have other family or friends you could talk to about her ? Are you religious ? This is a time that you also need to look after yourself as the days can seem to run into each other. If the snow has cleared where you are and it looks bright outside, why don't you venture outside even if it is for a short while. This will give you a break if nothing else from everything that has now happened to you. Things will eventually get easier because you will learn your own ways of coping

I am so sorry for your losses Redrose, i found talking certainly helps whether it's formal counselling or otherwise. I can totally sympathise as I lost my 80 yr old mother this week to pneunmonia and I am devasted, I have put a separate thread on about it.

My thoughts are with you, seek help, there is always help out there. Take care.