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Original poster

39 weeks pregnant - mum's just died!

19 replies

Fizzielove · 17/11/2010 23:48

I'm 39 weeks pregnant & my mum's just died yesterday morning....

I'd really hoped that she'd live to at least meet the new baby.

I'm swinging from so upset to completely numb....

what on earth am I going to do with a new baby and no mum!!

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 17/11/2010 23:50

Oh I'm so sorry. How awful for you. No advice except I'm sure that your new arrival will have bought your mum much joy even though she hasn't been able to meet them face to face.

SweetnessAndShite · 17/11/2010 23:55

You poor thing. It sounds as if you knew she was dying, but from experience I know that it still hits you hard when it happens. And I can't begin to imagine how that must feel at 39wks pregnant. You will cope though and you will make your Mum proud, I'm sure.

Have you got a good network of friends family that can support you through this huge time of transition in your life?

Original poster
Fizzielove · 18/11/2010 00:02

We only found out for sure on Sunday (my birthday!) that it was def terminal and a matter of days rather than weeks. Turns out she'd kno for quite some time but was protecting my dad and me.... so sad.

I have a good set of friends but it's just not the same - I could have sat for hours with my mum and just chatted about anything and nothing! We were very close and only lived a couple of miles away from each other and we used to see each other everyday and if we couldn't see each other we were on the phone at least!

Honestly i just don't know what I'm going to do!!

Thank you for the kind words. xx

OP posts:
NorthernLurker · 18/11/2010 07:59

THis is dreadful for you. What a shock.
I think you should tell your midwife actually if you haven't already. You are going to need some extra support and she is reponsible for your medical care atm.
Are you eating and drinking ok? You probably don't feel like it but you really need to keep up your fluids etc.

Sorry this is a horribly practical question but have you given any thought to the timing of the funeral and how you would feel if you are in labour on the day? I can't see any way round it tbh as whatever date you pick is a possible for the birth as well. I would think the only thing you can do is prepare yourself for the possibility that you may not be able to attend although I really, really hope that isn't the case.

Original poster
Fizzielove · 18/11/2010 18:02

I'm booked in for a planned c-section on Monday and the funeral is tomorrow so here's hoping that nature doesn't bugger up these plans!

OP posts:
aleene · 18/11/2010 18:09

Fizzielove I'm so sorry. Sending you best wishes to get through tomorrow. Please make sure you ask for help, whether it is now or in 3 months.

NorthernLurker · 18/11/2010 18:26

Ok well this sounds weird but I hope the funeral and the birth go ahead exactly as you've scheduled! How are you feeling tonight? Is your dp coping ok? And your Dad?

YoginiBikini · 18/11/2010 18:31

Be gentle with yourself Fizzielove.
Sending you warm wishes

NorthernLurker · 19/11/2010 08:01

Thinking of you today.

dracschick · 19/11/2010 08:04

Thinking of you.

You will cope and your baby will help fill the mum sized hole in your heart,we lost my MIL when ds was 2 days old Sad and my own mother passed away when I was 11.

NorthernLurker · 19/11/2010 08:13

support here for you - hope you don't mind but a lot of people don't look at threads in breavement so I branched out on your behalf.

bisybackson · 19/11/2010 08:18

I'm so sorry. Will be thinking of you and your family today.

ohfuschia · 19/11/2010 10:51

Really really sorry Fizzielove, I lost my Mum when I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first. It is tough, there is no replacing her, but the love that you shared is eternal. Will be thinking of you, please be kind to yourself and I hope you find some comfort in your wonderful new baby as I have done x

zeno · 19/11/2010 12:26

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this Fizzie. It's such a horribly conflicted thing to give birth just after you've lost someone close. A rollercoaster of emotions.

You're not alone in having to do this, and you will get through it one way or another. I have found that I scarcely remember dd2's first few months as we were so utterly lost in grief for dd1. It's horrible to try and accomodate a new absence and a new arrival at the same time - my midwife described it as an absolute headfuck, and she was quite right!

Wishing you all the best in the weeks to come.

lynniep · 19/11/2010 13:03

I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. I really hope that the arrival of your new dc will help to ease the hurt some. I know it doesnt always work that way, but I found when my dad was dying DS2 somehow made it all less terrible (he was 5 months at the time and was with me at the hospital when my dad died - dad met him once when DS2 3 months but was too ill to really take it in)

I didnt get to say goodbye as he was already unconcious when we arrrive at the hospital, but DS2 has so many similarities to my dad, not looks-wise, but his sunny happy nature, laid-back-ness and his constant food scavenging lol. Its like there's a little bit of my dad still left in this beautiful baby boy, and I miss him, but its better than it would have been.

I really hope you can get comfort from your little one - it might be worse at first for the lack of and need of your mum, but as time passes you'll realise you can cope.

Sometimes, and this might be silly but I dont care, DS2 laughs or giggles at nothing (he did this in the hosptial a lot) and it makes me think maybe my dad is there having a joke with him and watching him and his brother :)

EnnisDelMar · 19/11/2010 13:05

I'm so, so sorry Sad

My mother always said, the time when you need your mum the most is when you become a mother yourself Sad

thinking of you, in this hardest of times xx

Original poster
Fizzielove · 24/12/2010 15:02

Thank you all for you kind wishes and thoughts. I haven't been on here since the funeral. Today I decided to come one and whilst reading your kind messages my DS (4) asks 'mummy, why did Nanny die?' this was completely out of the blue! Bizarre!

Just to let you all know - we had baby girl on Monday 22nd November whom we've named Jessica Patricia after my mum.

My emotions are so completely up and down. I'm so sad and don't want tomorrow to come!

OP posts:
monkeyflippers · 24/12/2010 15:41

I lost my mum when I was 34 weeks pregnant with my first DC and came close to losing the baby inside me because of the grief, so I'm pleased to hear that you baby was born well.

I don't know what to say really . . . nothing makes it better although your lovely children will be a great distraction. It took me a long time to start feeling better and I'm still incredibly sad but it does get slightly easier.

Every day though I think about how she never got to meet her grandchildren and that's so unfair. My mum was great and my kids are great, why couldn't I have both at the same time?

IAmReallyFabNow · 24/12/2010 15:45

I am so sorry for your loss and hope that tomorrow isn't as hard as you imagine.

Congratulations on the birth of your new daughter.

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