Naps? no naps. Food? No food. Tidy up? No tidy up. And so on.

[Woollymummy]

I am struggling to work out what to do next with DD, 2 and 1/4 who suddenly WILL NOT sleep in the day, hates going to old favourite toddler groups without a great deal of persuasion, won't eat old fave foods and will not tidy up. new brother , 4 months old may have something to do with it, but that cannot be undone. what shall I try? Normally she is positive and distractable, lately she is ultra negative about everything and doggely refuses things more. Do I ignore "No" in my face, and how? or do I do naughty steps etc, I am not sure what sort of a pickle we are in but it is tiring. Any ideas welcome.

I found bribery works wonders. We introduced a reward chart for ds1 when ds2 came along and we started getting similar probs to yours. Works a treat and the only thing we haven't been able to eliminate is him whinging at times. However, mealtimes, tidying up and the like are now no problem.

I have been told that reward charts tend to work better wih boys, (easily bribable/gullible) but it's worth a shot. Best of luck, whatever you decide.

And the terrible twos it is .

Try to cut down on the sort of situation where you have to persuade or punish. When she is going to toddler group, just take her by the hand and go ('there, we're going now, love'- and quickly start talking about something else). Try not to engage emotionally. Let her feel that you are confident enough to ignore the 'No' in your face because things are going to get done your way anyway. You can leave it till much later to pull her up about a negative attitude.

Don't fuss if she doesn't eat a lot; it's usually the tension that causes eating problems, not letting it go. If a 2yo won't tidy up, I wouldn't see that as a major failure of discipline. Nice if you can get it (by treating it as a game) but a bit of a bonus iyswim.

Reserve the naughty steps for real naughtiness- like hitting people or deliberately breaking things.

I think probably everyone goes through this a bit when a new one arrives.
I ignored the bad and went overboard on the good. Also found 2-3 times each day to concentrate fully on eldest.
Naughty step for us is a minute of each year they are - so two for you. Placed on step firmly and told reason why. Each time they get off the clock goes back to zero (explained as concisely as possible each time returned). When allowed off explained to again why on step in first place. Instantly whisked off for some fun.
You'll get the dd you know back once the dust settles I'm sure. Some of it is probably the terrible twos and what she may have done anyway.
Apologies if you know this already.

Have you tried giving her choices where the answer doesn't really matter so much? That worked with my DS1 at this age. Not, "Would you like to go to playgroup?" But, "We're going to playgroup in a minute - would you like to wear your red jumper or your blue jumper?" etc

Make it sound like the decision is very important too.

I used to have tidy-up competitions, Who is the Official Best tidier, with (tiny) prizes (like a Smartie). It was me vs him. He was crazed to win, and funnily enough, he won every time! I was all, "Oh no, if you just put that bit of Lego over there into that box, you've almost won! ARGH! Don't do it! Nooooo! And thank goodness you haven't seen that Action Man lying there, if I can just put it on that shelf I'll have w... Nooo!" etc.

Thankyou for all your lovely ideas - I will try them as soon as I can, (bar another 4.30 ampre-emptive breakfast sitiaution, as we had this morning, in which case I will just sullenly sit with silent wheetabix and try not to cry)

Woollymummy