DD can’t really cope with a full week of school and activities

[rollyto]

DD is 9, a very active and happy child. She has school (no after school clubs) 9-3.30 Monday -Friday. She has a tutor (very light and gentle approach, games for learning rather than drilling). She does an extra curricular activity for 3 hours on a Saturday morning which she loves.

But she gets so exhausted and stressed out by the pace of it all. She can manage a week or two and then seems to need a day or a few off to rest and regroup.

School thinks she has inattentive ADHD and some processing issues so school is very tiring for her given that focusing and learning is hard. But she has a lot of physical energy to get out each day.

is this normal? Should I just roll with it and have poor school attendance? School don’t seem to mind about her missing a week or so a term. I don’t want her to stop her extra curricular as she loves it, I think the tutor is helpful and she loves her too. School would ideally be a 4 day week but I don’t want to give up on full time school really.

Has anyone experienced this?

Just re-upping this in case anyone can help / advise

I think if she’s struggling at 9 and school suspect ADHD I would pursue an assessment as she can access medication if she does get a diagnosis.

I’d also apply for an EHC needs assessment. From our experience, if she’s not coping very well in Primary School, this will only get much worse in High School and you want to get those things in place before she starts

Is there anxiety that is perhaps not addressed? Does she have ways to down regulate after school & activities eg daily quiet cuddle and chats with mum and dad before bed?

This is fine for now and can work but for long term behavior, you should gradually increase her school presence as this matters and must be checked. In later ages when she will go to senior classes, her absence will affect her grades, plus a routine of a child get set due to school.

Thanks all. We are pursuing an adhd / autism diagnosis through right to choose but everytime I see a news story about over diagnosis I think they mean cases like us because she’s a generally happy and confident child. She just finds school completely exhausting. But it seems like all the elements of her life are good and important and so I don’t know what to prioritise. The school are brilliant but she does miss a fair bit.

Yes, the school day will be exhausting for her. School really need to be putting in some adjustments and support for her to help this tiredness. It sounds like she isn’t able to communicate the things she’s finding difficult, so the assessments you are pursing will be so helpful for her. School can also request an educational psychologist to see her to help unpick things too.

please don’t be put off by the way autism and adhd assessments are seen at the moment - keep going with the process. It’s great she is happy at the moment, but having a greater understanding before she hits high school will make such a difference and should prevent her from feeling less happy or stressed as the support and understanding will be there.

my son has adhd and he’s wiped out! Much better since having medication but the day to day in school is really hard for him.