Helping my seven-year-old manage jealousy, competitiveness and frequent outbursts

[RangerMum]

Hey everyone. My 7 year old is very a very competitive & passionate chap. He is extremely jealous of his older (11) brother and cousin (10) friendship. She is with us every morning & afternoon after school, so basically more like a sibling. Every morning and afternoon is filled with tantrums and outbursts. I am exhausted after a while and end up just shouting and telling him off. He isn't always unprovoked. His cousin knows how to push his buttons also, she is very passive/sly so I don't always catch her. My concern is, as he is told off for his behaviour so frequently, it's going to affect his self esteem. I have tried helping him with his anger, i.e. counting down from 10 etc (too long a list to mention) but nothing works. Any advice?

It must be difficult when it’s a cousin winding him up.

Does he see you reprimanding her at all?

Is him going to after school clubs an option on some of the evenings so that he gets to do what he wants?

One tactic might be that if you find the older ones winding him up you could as him what activity he wants do so that they get the message that every time they’re mean, he then gets to call the shots, even if it’s just choosing a tv program to watch.

Thanks for responding. Yes I definitely do reprimand her when I catch her. He does do one club, hopefully moving up to two a week in September.
when he feels left out, or not included (not on purpose most of the time) I often do activities with him. I should have mentioned I work from home so sometimes my hands are tied with work (depending on the time of the afternoon)