21-month-old hitting, hair pulling, throwing things, and not playing well with other children — is this normal?

[bby2024]

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some honest advice and reassurance.
My son is 21 months old. Recently, his childminder has raised concerns that he has been throwing things, pulling other children’s hair, and not playing well with other children. At home, he is generally well-behaved, his speech is very good, and he usually listens to instructions, although not always. He also doesn’t like nappy changes recently and kicks his legs when we try to change him.

We have also noticed him tip toe walking quite alot but I am concerned about the other behaviours. He doesn’t really listen when we tell him to stop, so we usually have to distract him instead.

Is this normal for his age, or could it be a sign of something like autism or another issue?

What are the best ways to stop the hitting/throwing and encourage him to play more nicely with other children?

Do you have any other children at home? If not, his behaviour at the childminders is likely to be him working out sharing and other social skills. The best thing you can do at this stage would be to take him to toddler groups, expose mire to other children help to guide him through challenges. At home make sure he is sharing with you and not getting everything his way etc

I’d say this sounds quite common at 21 months, as toddlers are still learning how to manage frustration and interact with others. Keep redirecting him calmly and modelling gentle behaviour. If you’re still concerned, mention the behaviours to your GP or health visitor for reassurance, but try not to jump to autism based on these things alone.

Is the CM experienced? If she is then I think she’s telling you that his behaviour is not consistent with the behaviour of other 21 month olds?

If you’re thinking it may be ASD there are a few things you can do. I would contact your HV and ask for his 2 year check to be brought forward as you have concerns, don’t be fobbed off with this as if he does need referring the lists are very long already.

Then I would do this simple progress checker. Even good talkers may need support with some aspects of communication

Then I’d complete the 2 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages. This one will have a clear marking system. Anything over 65 then the HV should be referring for a hearing test and SaLT and booking a further appointment with you to check on progress. Anything over 85 needs a referral straightaway.

And also the 22 month Ages & Stages. With this assessment it’s pretty normal to score one or two areas in the grey. If he score more than 2 in the grey the HV will need to see him again in a couple of months to check on progress. If he scores on the black in any area then he’ll need a referral.