Nearly 5yo doing impulsive "mean" things. Worried about starting school in September.

[Strawberrymoon98]

Hi everyone. I’m feeling stressed and looking for some honest advice or reassurance.
My nearly 5yo DS is starting school this September, and I am terrified he won’t make friends because of his behavior. He is a very sociable and confident little boy. He is at preschool now where he does have friends, but I do see that some children find him "too much." He definitely gels best with the equally boisterous, active boys.
Lately, he has been doing these impulsive, "mean" acts out of nowhere. For example:

• Pulling his cousin's hat off and throwing it on the floor multiple times, completely ignoring me when told off.
• Pushing friends down the slide at the park.
• Splashing stranger children directly in the face at the splash pad.
• Throwing sand in a friend's face.

The hardest part is that he genuinely regrets it afterward. apologises and seems sorry in the moment, but it’s like he just can’t stop himself from doing it again next time. I am left standing there thinking, why are you doing this?! We model good behavior and kindness at home. We also have very firm boundaries and discipline the behavior consistently, but it just doesn't seem to work for the next time. He is an only child, and I’m worrying that something in his home environment is causing this, or that we are doing something wrong. Has anyone else dealt with this phase with a boisterous, confident boy? How do I get through to him so he stops doing these things before he hurts another child or gets a reputation at school? Thank you.

I can understand your worries. If the other DC at Preschool have sometimes found him too much, what have the Preschool done to help him so far?

@ExplodingSmittens His behaviour at preschool has mainly centred around inattention, difficulty listening and staying focused, rather than being deliberately disruptive or unkind. This has also improved over the course of the year, although he attends a private preschool where expectations are understandably quite high.
He has never been violent, bullied other children, or caused anyone serious harm. The unkind impulsive behaviours are when we go on days out or have other children over, I think part of it is that he struggles with over excitement and can’t manage these feelings well. He may well be doing these small acts at preschool too and they go unnoticed. He does have friends there.

Ok so it sounds as if he may have problems with regulation but don’t worry, there are things you can do to help him with that.

The first things I’d do though is this simple progress checker just to make sure he is where he should be for communication as this can affect how he behaves in social situations.

The other things I’d do are to introduce meditation. You’ll find some ones appropriate for his age on YouTube or on apps like Insight Timer.

Does he do any physical exercise like swimming, cricket, or hockey? If not, I would start to incorporate at least one into your week as exercise helps massively with self regulation.

Playing board games can help with turn taking and concentration.

And I would look up load bearing activities for a 5 year old. There is lots of research now about how load bearing helps with regulation and helpfully it also helps with muscle and bone density. So things like doing the Wheelbarrow Walk with him or tug of war or getting him to carry his own bag if you’re out or bags of groceries if you go shopping.

It might also be worth making a social story for him about playing with friends as School.