Really sick of Ds1's behavior and I am handling it badly too.

[colditz]

He's nearly five. Everything he does seems calculated to irritate me. He has just squirted his inhaler in his brother's face, he keeps taking the cushions off the sofa (which I don't allow purely because it kicks up dust), he cut his brother's curls off at 6am this morning, dished out icepoles and had themselves a little tea party, nags constantly for junk food (he has pick of the fruit bowl and bread) and I swear, this week is the worst week I have ever had with him. he has been moody and gobby and foul. And so have I, sometimes, because I'm not handling the constant naughtiness very well!

Oh Colditz, I'm sure you know it's just cos theyre kids and being little shits, but me saying that's not going help is it.

What ways do you punish them atm?

If DD did it all those things in one day I'd probably end up getting really fed up and trying to calmly say, 'Well, we've had a bit of a bad day today ahvent we? So I think maybe it should be an early night so you're better for the morning, dont want this behaviour at school do we?' and put them to bed. Now.

That way you're not screaming and shouting, which just makes matters worse, you get some time to chill and tomorrow can be a brand new day. Hopefully the shoc of goign to bed early (if it is early!) should make him think twice. Then tomorrow, start again!

Oh god it is a trying age colditz, sympathy.

Is it wrong to suggest lots of runs outside? Lots of diversions.

Has he just started school? That makes them tired and gobby and generally hard work I find.

It's all that having to behave.

Oh - and he's not really trying to irritate you, you know. He's just being a PITA 4 y-o.

I know that feeling so well. You love them but dont like them eh? I always try and start every day off fresh and forget how much they pissed me off the day before but that usuakky ends by 8am and im back to being stressed and foul.Is it just you hes being a little for ?

I think they need the half term break thats coming up. DD is 5 soon too, a wonderful but transitional age I think. They don't seem to believe that you know better than them, but I guess its just them trying to be a big girl/ boy.
What has made life easier for us is to give her lots of positive attention, explain everything and also let some things slide, or you could moan all day!
Sorry if I'm stating the obvious, I know this kind of behaviuor can be very wearing

Naughty PD! Agree with Mrs R, i try and give lots of positive attention and praise to the point where i sound ridiculous but it does work. You need to start off in the right frame of mind though.

It's only me and the school (where he is, according to my friend who 'reads' there, fidgetty-but-angelic) who actually looks after him, so weekends are a struggle. Ds2 barely even gets his nappy changed at the weekend (he does, just) because I am so full f "Ds1 put that down before it breaks please. Don't bang my things like that. Don't try to snap pencils please. Don't do that with the sofa" etcetc

he does need to do outside activity, but ds2 is utterly MISERABLE outside in this weather.

I can't win!

Colditz - I want to send you a trampoline, and a garden big enough to keep it in if you haven't got one. Do you think I could get a van big enough?

He needs tasks this lad doesn't he, to keep him out of mischief and to give you some sanity.

WRT forever saying 'dont do this, dont do that', just take anything you dont want him to have off him, put it up, if he breaks his own stuff its tough, his loss.

Anything that isn't really important just ignore (in our house it's rolling around on the floor, DP hates it but I dont see what the problem is! Prefer to let them do it than tell them off, easier for me!)

His inhaler, put it where he can't reach, the sofa cushions, 'fine you cant stop puling them off, you wont sit on it'- make him sit on the floor for a few days, he'll soon stop pulling them about, asks for junk food, pretend you didnt hear him etc, it's just about seeming not to care.

Yes, he does, he needs constant input and I am too lazy and drained to provide it.

My garden is a postage stamp sized piece of knackered grass, so no trampoline, although I did boot him out while the sun shone yesterday.

I genuinely don't have enough space in my house to put all the things he shouldn't be fiddling with! LOL

His inhalers were in my room, he makes up spurious excuses to go upstairs to fiddle, and has pulled the bolt off my door. He has got them out of my pants drawer.

Ah, sounds like my DS though it's my nail varnish and knickers he pinches from my drawer, count yourself lucky!
Get him a rabbit, something to do, will fit in your garden, and keep him outside.

OK. So next weekend, you need to be one step ahead. Give yourself a week to prepare - I always lose it when I'm firefighting and about seventeen steps behind.

It is tiring, but might give you some peace in the long run.

I'm going to try and think of things.

Make a fiddle box - of things for him to fiddle with - like blu tack, ball, rope and string. Send him outside with it.

Can you wrap the baby up warm and brave the elements for at least half an hour.

Set him up at the table with massive bowl of playdough.

Send him outside with a paintbrush and water and get him to 'paint' the fence.

I know this seems like a tiring list - and it is hardwork looking after dcs when one of them is a fidget fox, but genuinely might help?

Good ideas, hundredtimes, and 'firefighting' is exactly what I feel like I have been doing ever since he became mobile.

I usually go swimming at the weekend, but my friend didn't fancy it this week and that just makes it impossible to handle both.

Roll on summer!

DS1 was just like this when he was 5. And it was exhausting, and ds2 was 3 and dd1 and often I would think he was doing it on purpose.

Sorry. Thought I should add that in case you thought I was listing 'activities' in an annoying way. Which perhaps I am.

I am trying to think what else I used to get ds1 to do because otherwise he just used to destroy the house.

did he calm down? did it stop?

Can you get a basketball hoop or something?

Right, I've thought Colditz. Hopefully if you get ahead, then you won't have such a difficult time being three steps behind, which is when the 'don't do that' 'I can't believe you did that' starts.

I used to make ds1 run around the garden 40 times and I would time him. Then I'd send him back to see if he could beat the time.

What's his concentration like? Big bits of paper on the floor are quite absorbing - like cheap wallpaper rolls.

Make a potion with flour and water and food colourants - annoying and quite time consuming and requires attention.

Clean the kitchen floor. Do the hoovering. Wash the windows - I used to get ds1 to do all these. He liked it for some reason. And HE LOVED doing the washing-up too.

No room, vs. House is a rabbit hutch, garden really is just a rough piece of grass. It's a rough area and I don't want him playing outside on his own with the door shut because he'll wander off.

he has outdoor toys, but sadly no room to play with them.

OH and YES he calmed down. Have faith. You just have to give his hands and feet things to do, so you can keep your head above water.

There will never be enough things though, remember that too

He is now 10. Still very active and fiddly, but he can control his impulses better and besides I've put it to good use too. He hoovers every weekend still and regularly cooks, and he reads and hangs upside down off the furniture and tells jokes. He's dead nice actually.

His concentration is NONE, really.

I will get him doing more useful things, but I can't even keep him on task to pick his lego up, most of the time, even with a bribe.

But this weekend has been the crunch. no more of this, I'm not hacving another weekend like this!

Can ds2 have a sleep wrapped up in buggy when you go out? I'm afraid I sacrifice dtwins comfort for ds1's need to be outside - he refuses to get in the car to go to school no matter if it's hailing and gale force winds like last week so 2 pairs of socks on each, hot cross buns and a lot of fake jolly singing on my part has got me through the 50 minute round trip this week.

Indoors this weekend wehave taken the cushions off the sofa and done belly flops on to them. We have played a lot of hide and seek. We have done action rhyme dancing to cd.They have pulled each other on a blanket across the floor - anything to distract ds1 from his default bored in the house setting of annoying everyone.
My ds1 is constantly hungry too - i've compromised with no crisps but done some popcorn with a tiny bit of salt.

fwiw you always sound like you're doing a good job in difficult circumstances and i hesitated in posting because you always sound so capable.