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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't subscribe to the stereotype of only children...however, mine fits it exactly

37 replies

Pruners · 16/08/2007 09:45

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

oliveoil · 16/08/2007 09:47

he sounds like dd1 AND SHE HAS A SISTER

she bosses dd2 around like an old woman, insists on playing with me all the time and has strops for England

she is 4, 5 in October

is he at nursery or anything?

Rhubarb · 16/08/2007 09:49

But my ds is a little like this and he's the second child - same age roughly as yours too. He has terrible temper tantrums and loves it when we do things for him that he should be doing himself, such as feeding him with a spoon still (it started out as a punishment but then I discovered he liked it!).

Does he mix with other kids? Does he go to nursery? It could just be his character you know.

I'll be he's charm on toast really!

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 09:52

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 09:53

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nailpolish · 16/08/2007 09:54

Pruni, your ds is adorable. please dont worry. nursery will be very very good for him. and you. you are tired. ds is starting nursery, youve had a long summer with the hols etc, you are moving house, etc etc...

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 09:56

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frogs · 16/08/2007 09:56

Pruni, my dd2 (3.7) is exactly like this (minus needing the adult presence -- she should be so lucky) and she's the youngest of 3. 'Tis a personality thing, I fear. On the bright side, how much worse would it be to have a shy little wallflower who couldn't look other children in the eye, couldn't talk above a whisper and had 'pick on me' written all over him.

Marina · 16/08/2007 09:57

I promise and swear to you (as the proud proprietor of an occasionally monstrously imperious 4 year old younger child) that a lot of this is age related, and some will be personality-driven.
My two scare the pants off me sometimes pruners, an unfurling personality in full flood can be terrifying.
I will freely admit that I have found the nursery expectations of both of them a huge help in managing their strong characters. Pounce on every bit of input you can get from the very nice-sounding staff. Not so much to help you "cope" with ds, but you will be reassured and feel you are doing the right thing, by and large, because you are.

Rhubarb · 16/08/2007 09:58

But that's boys for you Pruners. They are headstrong and most of the time they're like monkeys on acid. Ds isn't bossy as such, as his big sister bossies him around, but if he doesn't get his own way or he gets fed up of being told what to do, he'll get aggressive and end up biting, scratching, hitting, kicking or pushing her. He also has a very good pair of lungs and no matter how strict we are, his tempers are a spectacle to behold. When he was a baby he was like this little ball of fury that I didn't know how to control. He has calmed down a lot since then, but my oh my, he is stubborn!

Marina · 16/08/2007 10:00

Frogs, if I had £1 for every time I have been given reassuring utterances along the lines of your last sentence, re dd, I'd be a wealthy woman
Dd's nursery report contained the killer phrase "possessed of a strong and interesting personality". Now, why could they have used the word "possessed" I wonder. Courage pruners, the last time I saw him, he was confident, chirpy toddler cuteness personified. Just because they go tonto every now and again, does not alter the underlying loving, secure, happy person.

gringottsgoblin · 16/08/2007 10:00

ds3 is like this and he is one of four. i dont think its only child syndrome, i think that comes when parents believe their little darlings can do no wrong and jump as soon as their sprog tells them to. the fact that you are worried says this is very unlikely! he sounds like he is a confident normal 3yo

Sheherazadethegoat · 16/08/2007 10:01

and don't beat yourself up with that 'only child' thing (i shoudl know i do it too).

Rhubarb · 16/08/2007 10:04

Custy's an only child and she's normal!

frogs · 16/08/2007 10:04

Sadly I can attest it's not just a boy thing. DD2 is a match for any boy at nursery.

I know that her reputation precedes her, cos when we enter or leave nursery, she always loudly greets other children, who will then say in return, "Hallo, dd2". To which the accompanying parent will invariably say, "Oh, that's dd2!"

nailpolish · 16/08/2007 10:04

i think only children make fabulous life-long friends

Marina · 16/08/2007 10:06

I agree. Dd is way more intimidating and notorious than ds ever was.
Ds also reported being terrorised at school last year by a bunch of small girls in Reception.

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 10:09

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Rhubarb · 16/08/2007 10:11

Ah but they would probably say the same about your ds. How kids are in public and in private are at opposite poles.

And remember, it's ok for others to spoil him, but YOU are the main carer so it's YOU who will have the biggest influence on him.

It is a difficult age this one for boys, they mature much slower than girls so I figure that by the age of 4 they should be getting better. Hopefully.

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 10:11

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DrNortherner · 16/08/2007 10:12

My ds is 5 and also an only and just like this too. Funnily enough I never put it down to an only child thing, just assumed it was his personality. He is so strong willed he will argue black is white untill you you give in and agree with him.

FWIW I too am an only child and am a fab friend. We're very loyal you know.

Vinegar · 16/08/2007 10:12

Pruners-I have seen plenty of children with siblings acts that way. The only difference is that parents with an only child worry that it is the lack of a sibling making their child selfish/bossy, whereas parents with more than one child will just put it down to the individual child's personality. I do this with my only child and then realise that actually the majority of her friends are as bad or worse than her. Ofcourse I correct her when she is in the wrong, but I am trying not to attribute her occasional bad behaviour to her being an only child. She is 4 and started school last year and her class teacher told me that she is very popular and liked by her peers. Your son will learn social skills as he starts school - he is still very young. Also some children will always have stronger personalities, something you are born with to some extent imo.

gringottsgoblin · 16/08/2007 10:12

but that is a grannys job, they are there for when mum says no. irritating as hell but fact of life

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 10:14

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Pruners · 16/08/2007 10:15

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Rhubarb · 16/08/2007 10:17

Hmmm, gets tiring doesn't it? You feel as though you are constantly saying no and shouting at him.

Be firm but fair. He'll soon realise that with you he cannot get his own way all the time. At this age they are still learning different behaviours for different situations. So he'll behave differently at nursery than at home and so on. Plus nursery will be great for teaching him that he has to wait his turn and do what the teacher asks.

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