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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

OMG>>>>>>>> WHINGING HELL

31 replies

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 06:46

My 3.7 is driving me mad. She whinges over just about EVERYTHING, and has become very precious, crying if she doesn't get her way. Not sure the tears are real sometimes. Huffing up to her bedroom and sulking.

She is also a terrible listener, and literally, unless I shout she will ignore me, or I have to ask her to do something 10 times, by which point I'm shouting anyway

I know this is probably pretty normal, but was just wondering if you're all suffering it too, and HOW DO YOU STOP IT??????

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LoveMyGirls · 17/07/2007 07:37

Stop paying her attention for it, I have a sulker too, its very fustrating but best thing to do is pretend you cant hear her when she whinges or that shes not sulking. If you can't bear the sulking send her to her room until she stops.

chopster · 17/07/2007 07:40

at 3.7 I think the tears are def put on. I didn't realise how much dt1 puts on tears at 2.4 until he developed a new cry like an air raid siren. Mimicing helps sometimes, jogs them out of it, and turns it into a laugh. Distraction helps, trying to give them something better to do that have a tantrum. If I see dt1 going into a strop, I do whatever I can to get a smile, then he jsut does a pretned flounce instead and giggles.

As for the ignoring, that drives me nuts too. Nothing worked until I decided to ignore my oldest two for a bit one afternoon. They soon realised it wasn't nice at all!

Shoshable · 17/07/2007 07:43

I just knew this was going to be you BOM,

Tape her and play it bak everytime she starts

Or everytime you want something and she dosnt want you to whinge!

slinkyjo · 17/07/2007 07:47

thankgod im not alone lol my dd who is five going on 15 lol is a nightmare i think girls are worse than boys in this area of behaviour

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 07:51

I do tend to ignore her and say, I can't hear you when you use a whingey voice. Which works ok, but she takes her self to her room, it's funny sometimes.
I just hate shouting to get her to do something.

Shosha, how did you know[innocent]

Sulking i don't mind as much she doesn't tend to have huge tantrums just whinges on and on.
Makes me want to tear my hair out.

OP posts:

ProfYaffle · 17/07/2007 07:51

dd1 (3.3) is the same. I do all the stuff listed below as well as tearing hair out and lots of wine (me not her!) She's definitely worse when she's hungry or tired. that girls are the worst as I've got 2, hope dd1 has grown out of it by the time dd2 gets to this stage.

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 07:53

GOD ProfY me too. DD2 is 11 mths, and already has strops if you take something away from her. Looks like she having a fit, throws her whole body around

I wipe my brow in relief when they are both in bed sleeping at night.

OP posts:

slinkyjo · 17/07/2007 07:56

my dd had me in tears yesterday with one of her paddys im at my wits end with her at the moment, she screamed and shouted for half an hour and i just ignored her and smoked about 10 cigs lol, she eventually fell asleep in her bed bless her, just waiting for it to start again after school

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 08:01

Hmm, DD1 def worse when tired.
Poor slinky.
I quit when (again) when pg with DD2 and oh how I crave a ciggie when they are on one. Esp when DH comes home and has one.

I can't seem to control my temper tho and that's why I tend to shout instructions after the 3rd or 4th time of asking.
Trouble is I grew up with a step dad who shouted all the time and I hated him. I really want to stop shouting so much before she gets much older and it becomes what she expects.
My mum came round after a particularly bad morning and DD1 greeted her then said, Mummy's a bit grumpy this morning Nanna.

OP posts:

slinkyjo · 17/07/2007 08:07

know what you mean about the shouting thing, but sometimes you got no choice its the only way they can hear you through that awful high pitched screaming and crying. ive tried giving up smoking three times this year but just cant do it with my dd. and shes off again telling me what i have to do and how she cant and doesnt want to sigh im fed up

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 08:10

Not having to talk over her screaming she's not too bad in that respect, she just doesn't stop talking for long enough to listen, or she just blanks me, which makes me see RED. It makes me so furious I can barely contain it

OP posts:

slinkyjo · 17/07/2007 08:15

i think thats one of the worse things being ignored, its like talking to a brick wall at times, i completly understand how you feel

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 08:22

Thing is then i rage at her and i don't find that acceptable bhvr from me, but in +the moment i can't seem to stop myself.
Would be horrified and angry if any one else spoke to her like that.
now she also is starting to shout at dd2 in the same horrible tone and i'm very ashamed of myself. Really feel like i am failing and will make dd1 follow in these awful footsteps.

OP posts:

mm22bys · 17/07/2007 09:00

It's not just girl, believe you me...

I have a DS1 who is 3.3, and his what-seems-to-me-and-DH constant, from as soon as he wakes up to when he whinges himself to sleep, whinging, is driving me round the bend.

We have tried the ignoring approach

We have have tried the room thing

We have tried the mimicking thing.

All for nothing!

I don't know if he is overtired, or if this is how he got his "own way" when he was younger, but it is driving me and DH nutty!

JodieG1 · 17/07/2007 09:04

Sounds just like my ds1 who is 3.9.

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 09:05

I wonder how long it takes them to learn that it wont get them their own way. Cos it has never got DD1 her own way, I am quite strict with punishments and following thru, but she still does it

Think it's mostly testing boundaries, but it's the constant whinging.
Drives me potty.......

OP posts:

Leati · 17/07/2007 09:23

Reinforce the behaviors you want by giving her tons of positive attention when she has these behaviors. Point out how nicely she asked, when she doesn't whine.

Rather than getting frustrated or trying to shout. Get down to her level, make sure she is looking at you, and then talk to her in a normal calm voice. Shouting should be reserved for emergency situations when you need her attention in a hurry.

Finally, when she is whining ignore her. Refuse to give her attention until she stops. It will drive you crazy while she is learning her boundries but it will pay off later.

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 09:29

I do all those things.
I wont listen when she whines, I praise the good way of talking/asking and also ppoint out that it got her what she wanted.
Have tried all ways of talking to her.

So how long does it take????

OP posts:

Leati · 17/07/2007 09:38

BandofMuggles

Not only do I have four of my own but I also majored in Child Development and spent several years working as a preschool teacher. Every child is a little different but it takes sometime. Between 18months and 4yrs children spend alot of time, testing thier boundries and thier parent's commitment to those boundries.

melsy · 17/07/2007 09:56

BOM , are you writng about my life ????!!!!

I was just clearing the kitchen just now thinking ooohhh why oh why has dd1 become such a winer and then came on and found this thread!

She was such a good baby too & dd2 also is 11mths old and screams when I take stuff away (this one also bites and when yuo tell her your not aloowed to do that she cries).

Im at my wits end most afernoons !!!

Leati · 17/07/2007 10:16

None of mine ever bit but at the preschool we would get the occasional biter. My suggestion for that is to make the child who does the biting, get ice for the child who is bitten and hold it on the other childs arm. While the child is holding the ice on the injured person, express to the child that they hurt that person and that it make you sad.

Unfortunately, 11 months is very young and that makes it more difficult to communicate.

I have heard of parents biting back or slapping children who bite but I would not recommend it. Children who are already aggressive become more aggressive when physically disciplined. Along with that it is hard to explain to a child that it is wrong to cause pain by causing pain.

HonoriaGlossop · 17/07/2007 10:27

muggles, you're obviously doing the right things. Maybe you will just need to relax about it (which I know sounds ridiculous) but I mean bear in mind that as leati says, by the time children are four/five they are very unlikely to be doing the same stuff UNLESS they get attention for doing it or it always breaks down the boundaries in the end.

The only other thing I wondered if you'd tried was using reverse psychology with her; when you're asking her to do something it doesn't have to be straight;"DD can you put the crayons away", you could go "DD, I bet you that by the time I count to ten you won't have put those crayons in there....you can't do it that fast, surely?" then just keep up a running commentary if she starts doing it eg" Nooooooo! You'll never do it!!TWO, THREE, ohmygoodness you're fast" etc etc etc.

Until my ds was over four I don't think I was able to make straight requests, he responded only to challenges, reverse psychology, races, and also another MAJOR thing was keeping him in role; if I wanted him to get dressed I would make his clothes into whatever he was into that day: bus driver's uniform, magic clothes that gave him super human strength.

Kids at this age are uber imaginative and uber competitive and I really think that in many cases much use can be made of this; whereas if mum is just asking them to do something boring, they will 'tune out'.

HTH? Obv, not wanting to teach GM to suck eggs etc and you may well have tried all this stuff; thought it was worth putting in though as this approach saved my bacon while ds was this age!

Leati · 17/07/2007 10:38

When it comes to picking up, another recommendation is to make it positive and routine. Everytime you play, you clean. There is also the Clean Up Song. In the classroom setting once we have told the children it is time to stop playing, and time to start cleaning up, we sing the clean up song. One other thing that helps is to get your child to pause in what they are doing and listen. So instead of saying it time to clean up...say it time to stop playing. Once the child has stopped then give them directions to clean.

Original poster

BandofMuggles · 17/07/2007 10:42

Honoria, actually I haven't tried that very much, and she would probably find that really exciting, racing to put shoes on etc. Thanks. It is hard to remember when in a rush to get things done.

Melsy, God you sound just like me, with same ages and all. DD1 was a very good baby. So easy, slept well. She's still pretty good really. Just whingey. I know it's her age, but I already have enough grey hairs

ROLL ON DEC, as she will be 4. She is pretty clever, and I am determined she will not be a brat, hence the strictness. I am consistent if grumpy with it

OP posts:

LilRedWG · 17/07/2007 14:19

(((((BoM)))))

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