Help me deal with my wild child

[WLmum]

Oh wise ones of mumsnet, please help me!
8 yo dd is just wild - I think I need to source some professional help but I don't know where to begin. Here's a summary-
Always been an anxious and emotional child but seems to be getting worse. She's 8 and won't even go on a play date without me. Most children were excited about the end of term, dd was distraught about leaving year 3 and her teacher and has been stressing about going up to year 4 for a while.
I try to be very patient with her and mostly we manage ok and I can handle it.
What I can't handle is the latest developments where she's so highly strung that she gets so cross with people (mainly I see it with her sisters) and shouts at them because she feels they have slighted her - I don't believe she behaves this extremely at school, but I suspect it simmers. She is then furious that they don't want to play with her and we go round and round in circles - today she was so distraught she was jumping and punching the sofa and screaming. Once she gets like this it simmers all day and the slightest thing sets it all off again.
She refuses to listen to any explanations or others propels side - shouts over me, covers her ears, runs and hides. No matter how gently I try it always escalates. She has real issues with 'telling anyone' about any issues/upsets/tellings off - for example tonight I handed over to Dh at 9 as I couldn't take anymore and explained to him something she was yelling about as he wouldn't have been able to understand.

Please help - how do I get her some help?

She can of course also be lovely! She's like a child of 2 halves.

Anyone? I'm desperate.

I feel totally unqualified to answer this as my kids are much younger. But...maybe instead of confronting the situation while she is worked up you could wait until you are happily spending some calm one on one time together? Choose one of her good days, do an activity she likes together (colouring in/buy her a making jewellery making kit and sit and do it together - or something) and talk about girly stuff and casually bring it up. Give her plenty of time to talk, don’t suggest answers or force things too much. Maybe ‘I’ve noticed you get really fed up with your friends ...whys that? How do your friends make you feel ?’

When she’s upset and kicking off, don’t talk about it all, just acknowledge her feelings (‘I can see your feeling really upset/angry/stressed’) and assure her it’s ok to feel like that and, if she wants to, maybe have a cuddle.

As I said, as a mum of a 3 yo and a baby I am totally unqualified but I guess that’s one way to attempt to handle this. I just didn’t want to read and run.

Have you thought of ASD OP? It might be worth reading up on as it presents very differently in girls than in boys.

If after reading it, you think she needs assessing, p,ease see your GP who should refer.

The Explosive Child might help too

Thanks both. ASD might be a good shout, although I suspect it's anxiety driven but defo worth checking out.
I looked up the explosive child but I had one of his books when dd1 was little and some of his suggestions were a bit brutal.
It's definitely right to talk to her at calmer moments about things as a whole, but I'm usually trying to find out what's happened to result in such an extreme reaction.
Listening to her minor meltdown earlier, she was shouting to her younger sister to tell her what she done so she could stop and then they could play together again. Her reaction was quite extreme - she hates me, she'll never play with me again. She does catastrophise, and always has done.