DD finds it hard to integrate in social friendship groups

[Pinklady301]

Hey guys,

I have a 9 year old daughter and I am a little concerned with her social skills and wanted some advice from anyone who has had a child in the same position.

I have noticed that DD seems to have big problems integrating in a group of friends and can only really integrate one on one. I don't know if it because she wants to be focus of attention but she seems to struggle with this. I really don't know why this is the case and what I can do to help her. She does have a few friends but they only seem to hang out on a one on one basis.
She has the occasional play date but again, this is fine.
I think DD can be quite terrotorial and intense in her friendships. TBH she has always been like this, it isn't a recent development.

Has anyone else's children struggled with the same and what helped?

I just don't want DD to have issues when she goes to secondary school.

Watching with interest
My ds 7 is a little socially immature and has always struggled with friendships too. No other issues really, academically decent and not too bad at sport either so don't think there are any wider issues.
Attention span isn't super but not so bad that it impacts school.
Sorry for hogging your post, I'll go away now!

Thanks Amaried, yes, my DD has attention span issues sometimes but is doing well academically also.

Hi, my DS9 is exactly the same as this and now in year 4 it has started to be more of an issue. Like you say 1:1 stuff is fine but anything in groups is horrendous. There have been some friendship issues anyway in their class this year but he is really struggling at the moment. DS is very very sensitive and cries easily and I don't think this helps at all with group dynamics and I think the other children have started to pick up on it and target him a bit to be honest. He's been telling me about some of the things going on over half term and I'm going to go and see his teacher on Monday. I don't want these issues to carry on into secondary either but I'm not sure how to help either. So sorry, not been much use but it was somewhat reassuring to know there are others in a similar position.

Thanks SellMySoulForMoreSleep. Its horrible isnt it.
What saddened me is my DD's best friend isnt inviting her to her birthday party but has promised a one on one playdate. DD is happy about that but to me it made me sad as she worships this friend and to be excluded (when best friend is inviting a lot of the class) must hurt her. I think possibly DD can be a little intense in her friendships and this might be a reason for her not getting an invite. My DD is very sensitive too.
I hope things improve for your DS, I hope the teacher can help with your concerns and put some plans in place to make things easier for him to intergrate a little better.

Aww Pinklady, that must be really hard for your daughter. Do you know the friends mum at all? Can you ask why she hasn't been invited? My DS is fortunate because the mums of my sons friends are lovely and wouldn't let their children exclude like that. But then he just ends up at the parties with some of the kids being horrible to him, not sure which is worse! Teacher was fairly useless today, I'm going to speak to the head.

I do know the mum but not well enough to ask why my DD hasnt been invited. I don't want to come across cheeky or rude as at the end of the day it is totally her prerogative to invite who she wants!

I'm glad the mums at your sons school are friendly and kind. I'm sad for your DS and I know school can feel like a lonely place at times, kids trying to find themselves and form friendships, and kids can be nasty at times. I hope the head can help, surely she will have had exprerience in such matters you'd hope. Good luck xx