What is the best way of dealing with a toddler strop in public?

[glamourbadger]

My DD1 is starting to throw big wobblers - screams and goes rigid so I'm unable to bend her into the buggy or the car seat. This usually occurs when leaving the swings or similar.

When I'm at home I find it's best to ignore her and busy myself with DD2 as she stops when getting no attention. This is often difficult in public though - I find myself giving her a toy or a packet of raisins to distract her but I'm worried this is just rewarding her bad behaviour.

How do you other Mums deal with it?

iirc, Dr Tanya recommends holding her firmly from behind (so that she can't kick/scratch you), tell her she's having a time out, and then stay resolutely silent (and don't make eye contact) for however long the time out period is (minute for each year of her life). If she's still creating when time out is up, let go, tell her that you want her to stop, and if she doesn't, repeat to fade.

I used to just ram mine in the buggy, lock him in with the straps and turn the buggy to face away from me until time out was up.

Try not to be cowed by the fact that it's happening in public - people in playgrounds are parents (or, at least, know the ways of little kids) and will know the score.

Lucky for me I'm stronger than him, I usually let him out of the buggy, while I'm still holding him, I then tell him, we'll come back soon, and then put him in the buggy, strop usually continues, but as I've said I'm still stronger than him so I can keep him in the buggy till he's strapped in. He usually stops soon after.

How old is she?

Also, she might have worked out that your response is less decisive when you're in a public place, which could be why she tests you more in those situations.

I tend to just pick up ds and walk, don't talk or make eye contact and walk no where in particular, usually just a straight line! i know this can be hard at times but just persevere with it. hope this helps. remember anyone looking at you has probably expierenced exactly the same even if they say they haven't. After a few minutes find something to distract her, like fake aeroplane or butterfly etc.

Message withdrawn

Thanks for all the replies - will try the 'time out' idea tomorrow in the park. She's 14 months and a happy little girl - this behaviour has just come as a total surprise! She is the dominant twin and I think this is also a cause as both girls fight for my attention.

My DS is 4.5 and was having a major whinining session this morning whilst out with his older brother and Daddy . I was at home catcing up on bits & bobs. Because Ds was whinning so much my DH brought him back home and left him with me !

thanks very much DH , your a parent aswell deal with it !

Now who can I dump on when kids are having a session !

When mine did this, I just used to put here down on the grass and walk a few feet away and let her get on with it. Like rowan said, most of the people in playgrounds are parents too and won't mind at all.
If she tps at home when getting no attention, maybe it'll work outside too.

A slightly different angle - I find the following worked for not only my boys (now 7 and 5) but also for mindees ages 2 and 3..
I give a five minute then a two minute warning that playtime at the park will be over eg 'five minutes til we go' then 'two minutes boys'. This way they seem to accept that it's time to move on. Of course if that doesn't work then you just get on with the forced 'march' home !

I'd have thought 14 months was too young for "time out" - surely she won't understand at that age?

I always use the distraction technique with DS - I especially take some milk or raisins out with me if going to the park because I just know that it will be trauma trying to leave , although now he is getting older (21mths) he does seem to be getting the hang of the 5 mins then 2 mins countdown to leave.

this may sound mad but my twins are much better with transitions when they get a warning and then the most crucial thing seems to be saying bye to what ever we're leaving - ie say bye bye to the swings/grandma/postman pat. i've done this forever and now they are 2 they automatically do it and no screams. i let them think they have a bit of control too - so they get to climb into the car themself, they get to wiggle their arms in and choose a book for the journey - that kind of thing. also when we leave somewhere or go to bed - i say it's time to go and they say 1 minute so i agree 1 minute and then they're fine to leave after a minute or 1 more go on the slide.
i do think it's a parental right of passage to have to put your knee on a screaming child to get them into a car seat or buggy.

Agree with RachelG - time out and 1 minute warnings are excellent for older toddlers - I always warn my DS1 (age 3)that we are going to leave in one minute and (usually!) never have a problem with it being time to go.

I don't see it working with a 14 month old though - my DS2 is 18 months old and can't comprehend time out or the concept of 'we're going in a minute'! The best way IMO is to just forget you are in public, just pick her up with no eye contact and put her in the pushchair.

I don't think giving a toy as a distraction is a bad thing at this age either - she's not deliberately being bad, just venting her frustration at having to leave.

14 months old still a baby, treat as you would treat any crying baby, soothe nicely and do whatever you needed to anyway.

At that age I started giving 5,2,1,1/2 minute and 10 second warnings - for everything and never gave in. Still do it and at 3 1/2 years and he recently gave me a 2 minute warning!
Apart from that I would strap him into his buggy and head off ignoring him - even if it was a struggle to get him in at times.

I make sure DS is out of anybody else's way and that he can't hurt himself and let him get on with it.

I also repeatedly ask him what he really wants, and quite often the fundamental problem isn't actually what I thought the initial tantrum was about.

Tonight he threw a wobbly about wanting a yogurt (when he'd just had one and we were about to have dinner) and it turned out all he really wanted was a glass of water.

Just my experiences!

i just starp them in tghe buggy and ignore them!

oh and yes i take the buggy with me all the time they are toddlers so i always have it

older children have to hold on to the buggy or hold my hand!

oh alos when thye sream and go rigid if you try you can strap them into their buggy

they are 1 or 2, for goodness sake and we adults simply ARE stronger then them....

o and you wont hurt them... and IF you do then they will larn not to do it again