'But I'll miss you mummy'

[Inkythemouse]

Dd is 4 and started reception in September. Everything is going well at school except a few weeks before Christmas she started getting upset saying she missed me at school.
We spoke about it but it's getting worse.
During the holidays while I've been going to work she's been crying to dh about how much she misses me.
I don't know what to do to help her. She's getting herself worked up about going back to school.
Any ideas how I can help her get over this?

So not to drip feed dh was away for a few weeks in December but we spoke to him everyday. Dd has also been admitted to hospital once and been to the drs numerous times since starting school (every time I've been with her except once when dh went) for recurring breathing problems. She is handling this incredibly well.

I had a few similar issues with my daughter. She was so excited to start reception and then two months in started to cry at drop off. I was so surprised because she had never had any issues with nursery and honestly it made me feel so sad to know she wasnt happy being dropped off, even though the teachers said she was fine afterwards.

To remedy it I tried to make her feel excited for school and engage her mind with little things which would take her mind off the seperation.
So I said she could choose her own outfit for school, which really helped....if your daughter wears a uniform perhaps she can decide on hair ties and hair styles.

In the morning we would also do a little drawing on our hands, to know we were both thinking of each other every time we looked at it.

We would also have a secret goodbye handshake which changed daily...like high fiving....or making the heart symbol with hands....usually good to make it a little funny.

I would also do her a simple drawing while she was at school, which she was excited to see when she got home.

So if your daughter starts to be anxious about school or you being out, you or your partner can engage her and say “what outfit/handshake/drawing, will we have tomorrow”. Or something similar.
As soon as we started this system my daughter was fine the same day...we continued with it for awhile just because she enjoyed it so much until one day we just naturally stopped doing it.

Good luck with your daughter x

Exact same problem with my ds 4, loved nursery, have I got nursery today, yippee, hardly got a bye from him. Since Oct, don't like it, don't want to go, want to stay with mummy, have asked to see if something has happened, him and teachers.
Just spent last hour with him telling me he does not want to go he'll just be too upset.
Great ideas PP, will Def try the drawing on hands and secret handshake. I've also though about telling him something fun that we'll do after.

Thank you for the replies and ideas.
Def going to do the handshake and drawing,
Hope your ds is ok this week Laura6032

Dreading it Inkythemouse, makes you feel like the worst mother in the world, he says he's just going to sit and be upset till I pick him up. 😭 hope you get on OK x

Good luck you two and I hope the ideas help. It really does feel terrible and it was keeping me up at nights worrying about it with my daughter.

Laura I think its a nice idea to plan something fun for after nursery..it doesnt have to be exactly linked to him being enthusiastic for nursery but rather something to look forward to throughout the day. Perhaps you could link the drawing on the hand to the outing....you could draw a tree for a trip to the park, for example.

Im a big fan of bribery too 😄 a few treats can generally help in situations like this.

Fingers crossed they will be fine soon x

Eldest used to cry himself, literally, sick when I said goodbye each morning. It's so difficult to go through but he's a very confident and capable young man now. Your baby is clearly securely attached and will be utterly fine. While your heart is breaking, they're honestly over it five minutes after you've gone.