Granddaughter is not nice to Grandma

[1951judge]

my 3 and a half granddaughter is mean to me and adores my husband. I have always been very attentive and loving to her, never critical. We visit about 5-6 times a year for 3-6 days at a time. They were just here for 6 days for xmas and the only time my granddaughter wanted anything to do with me was when we baked cookies. She won't let me engage in the play with her and my husband, or any play with just her, won't hug me good by, etc. My feelings are very hurt and I am getting resentful.My husband agrees that I have done nothing to deserve this treatment. I don't know how we and my daughter should handle this with my granddaughter. My daughters always had a very close relationship with my Mother.

Don't take it personally, it's just a stage. My DSC has a very doting grandfather and he use to just refuses to engage and shout "naughty grandad!". His grandad is hard of hearing however which meant that he didn't always grasp what DSC was saying, which left them frustrated and feeling like their grandad wasn't understanding them. They absolutely adore him now however which confirms it was just a phase so don't take it personally, don't worry about it and just enjoy your time with them :)

You do seem to be seeing your 3yo granddaughter as somehow an equal to yourself with the same cognitive abilities as yourself and the same responsibilities for making other people feel good about themselves. "I have done nothing to deserve this treatment" is something one might say of one's MIL: to say it of a 3yo is giving them far too much power.

3yos are fickle; they will quite often favour one parent over another. They can sometimes be frightened of even the kindest adult for some totally non-logical childish reason. Just like they can be frightened of a cupboard or a picture or a book, often for reasons no adult would understand. If you try to make her hug you, or show resentment when she doesn't, you will make her feel more uncomfortable.

At that age I was terrified of my great-uncle, who was (I have since been told) the kindest man on earth. Later my mother revealed that she had been equally terrified of him when she was my age. Fortunately, he was too wise to put any pressure on her and she grew up to be very, very fond of him.

I'd back off, continue to show her kindness and love her, but not pressure her for attention. If you manage to do this consistently and non-resentfully, there is no reason she shouldn't grow fond of you.

Totally agree with PPs. I too was scared of a relative at this age. Not sure I can remember why. She is the most caring and loving person and we are close now.

Just be kind and don’t push the issue. She’ll come around.

Thanks to all who wrote. I will take your advice and hope my relationship with my Granddaughter improves as she gets older.