4 year old violent -I don't want to faze

[Cookie4u]

Since birth my DD has had a temper and a bad sleeper / eater you name it .
she has become violent towards me now , she smacks me punches me and pushes me and screams in my face .
And every dinner time she wants me to feed her and if I don't she won't eat , bedtime she whines and whines she's not tired or hungry ect ect , just to get downstairs .
I've tried smacking bum hands and I've tried time outs , the only way to calm her or make her apologise is shut her in her bedroom for 5 mins . She has also started to punch her younger sister .
I honestly thought it was the way I've raised caused her to be so stubborn and violent . But my other daughter is good as gold and the opposite , she's calm she listens and a telling of when she's naughty does the trick .

I love my eldest so much but her violent temper is draining me .

What do you do when she hits, pushes and shouts in your face? Have you spoken to your HV about her eating and sleep?

Also, how was the birth? Did you suffer any birth trauma?

I've tried using a stern voice , being calm and explaining to her what she is doing is hurting me and upsetting me and nothing works , and then she thinks it's funny . I don't laugh. I have lost my temper and shouted back at her but that's only happens a few times and I apologise .

No birth trauma , normal vaginal birth . .

Next time I'm at the doctors I will mention it , I haven't seen a health visiter since 2015

I've always thought that smacking would just encourage them to hit back sooner or later or hit siblings / class mates. Have you come across the 123 magic book? that or look at some of Jo Frosts videos on you-tube.

I thought that about smacking to So that's why I'm trying to figure out what else might work .

123?
I've tried doing it the super nanny way but that doesn't help