Can I expect 4.6 year old ds to......

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get himself dressed and undressed,
get his coat and (velcro) shoes on,
be responsible for all his toilet needs, flushing, washing hands etc,
get in and out of the car and do and undo his own seat belt

by himself?

I know he can do all these things without help but he seems to be constantly asking for me to help him or remind him. Should I still be helping him or should he be expected to do them? The tears and whinging are getting on my nerves.

oh yuck emat! I think if telling once or twice doesn't work then there's no point telling a child 4 times. You need another approach then. Could you have zoomed off to the other loo with him? My ds wants me with him when he goes to the loo at the moment and I am happy to go as I know this is a short phase, he will simply not want this for long. Also, each time he asks I suggest he goes alone, I suggest he takes the toy he's playing with, with him, or I suggest he chats to me while I wait downstairs....if all of these fail, I simply go with him. As he gets older he will change this phase so I don't worry about it. Kids do things when they are ready.

As your dd is older, could you have just gone with your ds to the other loo?

Of course it's gross to wee on the floor, so use that as your bargaining chip; so long as you hold on for a sec, and no wee on the floor, I will come with you as soon as I've finished....whatever it is!