Feel like I have inadvertently fucked up

[SleepFreeZone]

DS1 is 4, starts primary in September. We have accepted a place at a local Outstanding primary, known as being academic. All his little friends are going, I know lots of the mums, all great and wonderful I thought. Except based on the preschool's feedback of my son the primary want him assessed for SEN before he starts.

This isn't a huge shock to me as we have been talking this assessment round and round since he was two. He was speech delayed - eventually caught up. Milestone delayed in other areas but has now caught up (potty training for example) However still struggles with fine motor skills re. won't hold a pen or write his name willingly.

He is extremely willful and stubborn when he doesn't want to do something. They are also saying he is particularly clumsy which I haven't really noticed although he never showed an interest in ride-ons until recently so his coordination might be off.

Anyway, I think I have possibly thrown him to the lions at this school. I had the option of a more SEN friendly local school if it had been made crystal clear to me that they thought he had SEN then I might have picked differently. I just feel like I've really fucked up 😬

Anyone

Not sure what you mean by more SEN friendly? You mean less academic? SEN doesn't preclude academic success and if it's an Outstanding school it probably has excellent SEN provision which will help your son to thrive. And if he has SEN then the presence of lots of his friends will be of enormous benefit. Sounds like a good decision to me.

I mean the other school has more SEN provision and is known in the area to take a lot of children that need extra help. The Outstanding school is pretty well known for being results driven and having talked to parents with children that already attend it does sound as though the less academic kids are struggling.

Actually you should see this as a good thing. They are obviously on the ball, know how long assessments take, and want to get the ball rolling before he gets there. It could take a long time before the assessments happen, and then a long time before the school can get any extra resources or even advice necessary.

The schools to avoid in my experience are the ones who say "everything is fine" in a bid to be inclusive and accidentally scupper the chance to get a diagnosis/assessment.

At older ages you definitely want teachers who know to get assessments so special provisions can be made for exams etc. A good SENCO will be starting now to prepare for children who will need extra help.

And being slow to be interested in ride ons does sound to me, like someone who is struggling with co-ordination with gross motor skills. Being stubborn may be a way of masking "what he can't do".

Not "labeling" a child often means ignoring difficulties, so they fall even further behind and have bigger hurdles to overcome.

Do you think it's a good thing that they've just said 'let's do the assessment' straight away instead of fannying around like the preschool for two years? Half of me is thinking shit, they've already decided he is going to be a problem to their results table if they want him seen before he even gets there but then perhaps I'm being to sensitive and it's a great sign they are proactive and want him to get all the help he needs.

Thank you mummytime that's really helpful 💐

Getting a school to get a child assessed for an EHCP can be a battle all by itself. I'd see it as a positive thing that the school is being proactive in seeking assessment now.

If the assessment shows there are SEN then there'll be an EHCP which you can use to argue the case for entry to any school that you can show has the capacity to help with your child's particular issues.

Let them proceed, see it as a positive, wait and see how your DC settles and progresses at the school. You can always look into moving him later if you feel he'd be better helped elsewhere.

His cousin has a statement for Autism so I know a little bit about how things work but I don't know what EHCP stands for.

His brain definitely works differently that's for sure. Now I have a NT baby that is hitting every milestone it does make me realise just how different my first son was as a baby. When I've looked at Autism in the past he just didn't seem to fit but I know the spectrum is huge and wide reaching so I'll be interested in what the professionals think if we get as far as the Paediatrician.

EHCP = Education, Health and Care Plan. Replaces the old LDA / statement of SEN.

Basically states what a child's issues are and sets out a plan for meeting child's needs and enabling their progress. If your DC is assessed as needing one, there'll be a process of writing the EHCP - you can check it and reject it if you feel it is missing elements / inaccurate / plan is vague.

If an EHCP is in place the school has to follow it as best they can to ensure a child's needs are met and to enable them to make progress. If the school isn't doing that, parents can look into other schools that are better able to provide the specific support required and then can request that the local education authority approve a school move to that other school.

A child may not need an EHCP for the duration of their education, it depends upon the specific issues the child has.

The most important thing is to remember you've not fucked up at all. You made the best decision based on information you had at the time. School are being proactive about this. If you find they don't support your son's development - assessment / EHCP or not - you can look at moving him then.

This thread has helped me massively. Thank you all so much 💐