My DD laughed at my fear

[tigercub50]

It would take way too long to describe all the problems our family are having at the moment. However, I was particularly upset today. I have a phobia of dolls (although it's not all dolls & I can cope with it most of the time). I don't cope well when limbs or heads come off tho! DD has 2 mermaid dolls which have come to bits & I keep asking DH to fix them but still not done. DD was tidying her room this morning & came at me with one of the heads. I told her I didn't like it but she kept on coming & then laughed at me,which made me cross. A lot of other stuff had happened before this which didn't help. I got more cross as she kept on laughing & she said it was funny. Then she accused me of laughing at her about her fear of the dark. I admitted to getting exasperated sometimes about that,because she had started to use a much dimmer nightlight & then had gone back to the brighter one, but I assured her that I would never laugh about something that scared her. We talked a bit about where I thought my fear had come from but it worries me that she laughed. Is it just her age (she's 7)?

She's 7. She doesn't understand phobias. It's about "the other stuff" really. Not the dolls or the laughing.

Oh she's 7. It's the 'other stuff' isn't it?

I have a balloon phobia. Same as you, totally unreasonable, silly, not logical. I think you need to realise that although she knows you're frightened she (rightly so) sees nothing to be frightened of. I know my phobia is stupid. Balloons can't hurt me. But they still terrify me. She's 7, give her a break. My daughter does it to me all the time at parties. (Chases me with balloons) X

I thought it's cos that she loves you so she always want to make fun of it. I don't think she can see through the phobia. Just take it easy.

Let me ask: do people "just for fun" do things to scare your DD sometimes? She says she feels like you mocked her fear of the dark. When I was a child, I felt like a month never passed where someone didn't jump out from behind a door or wear a scary mask then say 'boo' behind me or various other things that were designed to scare me, at which point the person scaring me would laugh.

This type of thing came from all angles, LOTS of adults think there's something very, very funny about terrorizing young children. "Make someone jump from fright and then laugh about how you made them jump" is a game that, in my experience, children rarely play unless they've been taught to play it -- either by the telly or a trusted adult.

She's 7yo. She doesn't understand about phobias.

She's applying logical 7 year old thinking to your phobia.

To the rational person (the fear is irrational), it seems silly. Hence her laughing.

She hasn't fully matured so cut her a break.

However it is a good mirror for you and how your treat her fear of the dark.

A 7 year old has no concept of a phobia, they aren't emotionally mature enough to understand even when you explain and even relating it to a fear they may have doesn't help because to them their fear is rational and normal and yours is silly because they aren't scared of that particular thing.

I would worry more about your own reaction to her fear of darkness. How on earth do you justify getting exasperated at her going back to needing a brighter nightlight when you yourself can't get over an irrational fear of dolls? You are expecting her to display a level of emotional response beyond her years and possibly beyond what you yourself are displaying.

Adding to what Kariana said, she may also be laughing at your phobia because it secretly frightens her to see that mummy isn't the big strong person who can make fears go away. So she tries to make it less scary by minimising it. 7yos are still quite little to deal with the concept of a frightened parent- doesn't mean she will grow up into an unempathetic adult, just that she is still quite little.

I'd try to stay very calm when discussing your fears, don't let yourself get emotional when talking about it, accept that her fear of the dark is exactly the same thing, and try to think of calm, friendly ways of dealing with it.

She's playing, perfectly normal and nothing to be concerned about. Teasing people you are close to about things, including fears, is quite common. Us adults do it too!