Potty/toilet training issues in a nearly 4 year old

[WankingMonkey]

We tried training at 2, DD didn't get it, so we waited. Since then we have tried every few months or so but desisted once she was upset about it as I didn't see why we should keep upsetting her when the issue would sort itself eventually. But it hasn't sorted itself

This has been our 6th attempt. DD is 4 in November. Its really the latest it can be especially as there is pressure from nursery/HV to get her sorted. She just doesn't get it, she will sit on the potty fine normally, but as soon as she actually needs a wee or a poo she gets off and just sits on the sofa or something and does it there. I just do not know what to do...surely its not normal for them to still even WANT nappies at 4 nevermind actually have to be in them? She doesn't mind when she has an accident, she doesn't tell us she is wet or anything. Also when we realize she is wet she is having huge meltdowns similar to the meltdown she has if we notice she is peeing and quickly shift her onto the potty...she doesn't seem to understand sticker charts. We even resorted tot selling her she could have a sweetie for successful poos/pees which didn't work..

I should maybe add she has a speech delay and can't really tell us what the problem is. She understands every word we say to her though.

I just need to know what to do?! HV is horrible and judgey and isn't coming out for 2 weeks anyway (to do DS 2 year check) and I will mention it to her. But I really want DD trained before she goes back to nursery next week..

Why is she sitting on the potty at any other time other than when she actually needs a wee or poo?

Are you asking her to sit on it before she's indicating she wants to do something?

Also, the speech delay is almost definitely a factor here....is she having intervention/speech therapy for that?

If not I would see the GP and ask to see a Speech Therapist and also perhaps an occupational therapist who might be able to help.

Does she have any aversions to certain textures, or sounds?

She is sitting on it pretending she needs a wee, sitting for a few minutes then saying she didn't need one..or that she has had one when nothing is there. But if she actually does need (or in a few cases is having) a wee she will not sit on it :S

We were referred to speech therapy, who saw her and said she wasn't actually that far behind, but I totally disagree. She can communicate what she wants but the words are not there so its really hard to have an actual conversation with her about anything. She IS getting better though and has a fair few more words but definitely not what I would expect from her age. Speech therapy basically said..bring her back in a year or so if nothing has changed. After a 11 month wait list for an appointment to start with :S

No to textures or sounds. She is terrified of the noise the icecream van makes if it surprises her, but aside from that, nope.

Crappy waiting lists

I recommend that you look at the Hanen programme "It Takes Two to Talk" which is specifically designed for parents of preschoolers with language delays.

It's supposed to be amazing and have great results. It helps people identify their child's style of communication and how to help a child to communicate more.

www.hanen.org/Programs/For-Parents/It-Takes-Two-to-Talk.aspx

You can often by the book It Takes Two To Talk second hand online.

My DD2 has a speech delay I I didn't potty train her until she was just turned 4. I did a bit of lazy training a few months earlier but used pull-ups and didn't commit.

This time it had to work (she is going to school in Sept) so we went cold turkey in pants, potty in the living room, easy clothes to pull down, bribed with smarties, get them to drink more than usual so they can practice (juice or a new type of cup).

We had a shaky 5-6 days with lots of accidents before it clicked (and one incident on the hairdressers floor). I was calm but did a lot of "oh what a shame we have to stop playing now to get cleaned up", then get her to help as much as she can so they learn that is the boring option and going to the potty is much quicker.

Mine didn't mind being wet/dirty either at first after all that is what they have done for 4 years! But now she would as she has got used to clean dry pants.

I know it is very hard, hope she gets it soon

Oddly enough, today has been...great. She has done all wees on the potty. She seems to be purposely doing little ones and then another little one so she gets praised over and over instead of doing a big one all at once..little madam

Maybe spoke too soon...hopefully this continues