Tell me about "punish the behaviour, not the child"

[BikeRunSki]

Because I can't work out how to separate the 2.
7 year old DS is aggressive, defiant and angry all the time.
4 year old DD winds him up deliberately to get a reaction and laughs at any attempt to discipline her.
We all shout at each other all the time.
I went out for half an hour earlier, came back to find that DH had taken the DC's bedrooms doors off their hinges that they couldn't slam them
We need to break this.

Two of mine were so Much like this, we introduced silly games like snap , piggy back rides and anything you can think of that also needs teamwork skills when I was told this I thought it was aload of rubbish, but it really worked for us maybe try it :)

I don;t think DD would ind up if DS wasn;t so angry and aggressive all the time. To be fair to her, DS is like this whether she's around or not.

RE silly games - they just fight about the rules, whose turn it is, whether one of them looked at the other's cards.

It's not so much about them needing to get along, it's about making DS happier and calmer. He has no significant behavioural issues, this has been eliminated.