My dds' food issues are going to finish me off

[2ndSopranosRule]

Aged 8 and 5.

The 8yo is obssessed with eating. Every trip out, holiday, weekend etc is dominated by what can she eat next. She's not fat but she's definitely not skinny either and I'm worried about what will happen when she has more freedom.

She moans continually about being hungry and I'm fairly certain she's just bored. The option is usually fruit which she always refuses.

DD2 is a horrendous eater. If anything she normally likes looks remotely different to the norm she won't even contemplate trying. Her diet is fine if what we give her is absolutely how she expects it, but if not

Silly phone...

But if not, she'll have a real strop and refuse to eat. Of course she'll then be hungry later and her behaviour is totally awful.

The speed at which she eats is also a problem: 30 minutes for a small bowl of cereal. 40 minutes for a sandwich.

Help me.

With DD1 who eats a lot, is she very active? If she is then this might be why. Can you give us an example of a typical daily menu for her?

With DD2 who takes ages and is fussy....when she's taking 40 minutes for a sandwich, is that because you're not letting her get up and leave it or because she is sitting there taking tiny bites but quite happily?

Not particularly, no. There's not much sitting around playing on the laptop but she's the child in the playground standing by us whining she's hungry.

When she's hungry she's bored. She'll reject the fruit offered - this is the only snack option in our house - but will carry on moaning she's hungry. Every trip out is dominated by this. We're on the verge of cancelling our summer holiday because we can't take two weeks of whining for food.

Dd2 just eats slowly: they are never expected to finish what's on their plates.

Can you give an example of a day's food for your 8yo? Maybe people can help with foods that will fill her up more.

Definitely need example of what she would normally be given for meals in order to help OP.

Breakfast would be toast (hates all cereal), lunch something like tuna mayo with sweetcorn sandwich, yoghurt, dinner spag bol/chilli with tons of veggies in the sauce. quiche/chicken/breaded fish with jacket potato and veg, cheese omelette, dessert after would be fresh fruit salad. Snacks in between might be more fruit, crackers, malt loaf, brioche.

Drinks water with the odd glass of juice at dinner. Sometimes has a glass of milk before bed.

It is a diet which is heavy in refined sugars/ carbs. I am not an advocate of low carb/ no carb diets and certainly not for children. However she may be less hungry if her diet contained more protein? Cheese slices, hummus with veggies to dip, slices of cold meat for snacks. Maybe eggs with the toast for breakfast or peanut butter?

It's a good diet but as Blue says, more protein could help her. My DD2 is skinny but never stops eating...it's like a chant "I'm hungry, I'm hungry" and it's SO wearing!

I give her a ham slice or some cheese cubes with a raw carrot and that seems to fill her up a bit more.

I also keep a lot of frozen berries as she prefers them to apples and oranges which are of course more affordable than fresh berries!

I'd say a two-pronged approach:

a) slightly up the proteins as suggested by previous posters

b) once you are satisfied that she is getting a filling diet, treat it as any other pestering: you wouldn't put up with being pestered for money (above pocket money) or new toys all the time. Food feels different because it is essential- remember it is only sufficient food that is essential, the rest is a luxury. Just calmly tell her: "you have had a meal and I do not want to hear you ask for more food until teatime". And then put on your whine filters. If you allow yourself to switch off and not caring, it won't ruin things to the same extent. If she really does ignore your rules about whining, you are allowed to lose your temper a little bit. Sometimes a very firm 'I will NOT listen to this any more' does the trick.

And a similar approach might actually work with your second dd. Act bored, allow yourself not to listen. If she goes into a strop, that is her problem. If she gets into trouble because she is hungry, you don't have to feel guilty about it. Allow yourself to enjoy whatever you were going to enjoy.

She needs better snacks than fruit! Maybe she is asking for snacks because, shock horror, she's genuinely hungry?

I'm a size 8 and toast is not enough for breakfast. She needs some protein with it. What about yoghurt or banana? Or peanut butter or cheese with her toast?

Her lunch of a sandwich again seems quite light!

I'd be hungry if I were her.

You're going to give her food issues because you've made food a big deal. Just feed her to her appetite. My mum took that approach with me and I am slim and healthy. I do the same with my DCs - the only snacks I don't allow are sweets/choc/crisps or anything too close to dinner.

Believe there's nothing wrong with fruit as a snack. Many people, shock horror don't even GIVE their kids snacks.

Thinking again about diet (and again agreeing with PP), this is the kind of diet we were brought up on, in a society where overweight children were few and far between:

breakfast: toast/bread with cheese, pate or ham (so get some protein in straightaway), washed down with milk or accompanied by youghurt

lunch: generally cooked, consisting of something like quiche and salad, again washed down with milk

tea/snack: yoghurt and banana or something similar, with extra sandwiches on offer; occasionally cake, fruit

main meal of day: meat and two veg (boiled spuds rather than chips), again milk available as drink

no snacks available between meals except fruit but we never seemed to need them

A while ago on mn there was a trend for snack boxes. (Fill a box with food, mainly healthy . Give child free access on condition they never talk to you about snacks/food and when gone its gone. Take a travel one too if necessary) May be worth a search. It worked well for my ds. It removes all conversation about food. You have to be strict about not talking. I just said "snack box" if any food talk. Restock regularly.

There is if it means your child isn't full..... And it is the only snack on offer. Fruit isn't that great - vegetables are much better.

I give my children snacks and don't expect them to finish all their meals. They're not overweight and I don't stress about whether they're hungry at the "right time" (unless of course they ask for a snack just before a meal)

I don't think I'm giving her food issues at all. I definitely do need to up the protein but she won't eaten eggs (unless in omelette or quiche form), doesn't eat peanut butter, doesn't particularly like cheese, houmous.

DD2 is probably a better eater but dear God the speed...

My second is a very slow eater - she has quite large tonsils so complains that things stick at the back of her throat. We give her smaller meals and more snacks as better suits her.