DD(4) being nasty to her friends

[SausageSmuggler]

DD turned 4 last month, she's always been quite bossy but in the last few weeks she's begun saying horrible things about children who were previously her friends I.e 'I don't want X to be at pre-school. I don't like them. I won't play with them.' She's become very snatchy and has excluded children from her games to the point where they get upset.

She has also started making comments such as 'I don't like fat people. I only like thin people'

Today I picked her up from the childminder and found out she had been spitting at her best friend and had been quite nasty to some of the younger children. The CM dealt with it and DD apologised but I'm not sure where to go from here.

She understands right and wrong but not when it involves her wants.
She starts school in September so I really want to stop this now. I don't want her becoming known as the mean girl no one wants to play with.

What can we do?

Have you explained she is saying mean things and that hurts the other kids feelings and makes them.sad
mine are younger but I think it takes a while for them to.understand they are upsetting others.

Maybe she's coming down with something? I have 4 year old twins and they started doing something similar when they came down with chicken pox, during the incubation weeks. Also ear infections can make even the mildest child quite difficult, in my experience.

Also it might be worth considering if there is something that's upsetting her that's causing her to lash out? Have there been any changes recently that may have affected her more than you realised at the time? They are quite perceptive at that age. It might be worth talking to her about her feelings [disclaimer: I am a psychologist!)

Whenever she says something mean, we always explain why we don't treat people that way. We also ask her how she would feel if it happened to her.
She can always answer the questions we ask her so she has got some idea.

I have a lot of bad school memories of being excluded by friends and being on the receiving end of general nastiness which is why I'm so disappointed she's doing this. I just don't know how to tackle it.

Meant to say, if we ask why she doesn't like someone or something, her standard answer is 'it's boring'. As far as I know there aren't any underlying issues.

Tbh I'd prob use a mix of imediate discipline like the CM did and a more general learning about feelings maybe watching cartoons, shows where people are sad, or excluded/bullied. Explain that if she is bored of a game what she can do to improve things (throuh exampels when playing at home) so go and play a new game, find a book, draw a picture etc sounds more like something to do than really intentional bullying to me.