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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Just sent dd1 to bed crying for food and she may come down again crying for food.

47 replies

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:25

Have I done the right thing?

She had her tea at about 4.30. It was 2 fishfingers, a handful of oven chips and about 10 peas.

She ate 1 fishfinger and some of the chips and said she had had enough.

I have trouble not getting angry with her about saying sshe is starving and then eating F%ck all so I just cleared away her plat and gave her half an apple(because she must have some fruit after dinner, which she knows) which she ate. Then about 1/2 an hour later she asked for ice cream and said 'no, cause she didn't eat her tea'

then when I said bedtime about 30 mins ago she started crying saying she was starving. I calmly explained to her that she could have had ice cream after her tea and then toast or cereal is she was still hungry IF she had eaten her tea as she needs to learn to eat her proper food.

was that right
should I introduce a bedtime snack that isn't dependent on eating tea or what? really I am at a loss as to how to encourage a better, more relaxed feeling around food with her, shes nearly 7 and I need to sort this out soon. she has a limited diet and even of the things she does eat it's never much but then she always says she's hungry shortly after

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foxinsocks · 09/01/2007 19:28

4.30 seems v early for tea...have you tried giving her tea a bit later?

Original poster

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:29

I know it is early but if I give her tea later she is saying she is starving and so I tried giving her a slice of toast or something when she comes in from school and then she says she's not hungry when tea time comes aaaaaaaaaaghhhhhhhhhhh

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SturdyAngel · 09/01/2007 19:30

I do the same as you...if dinner isn't eaten there is nothing else, apart from fruit.

I wouldn't introduce a snack, as such, as she will soon realise that she can get away with not eating her dinner and still get something else. I would allow her to have another piece of fruit and/or some cucumber/carrot sticks or something along those lines. Possibly a fruit or veg smoothie?

It's horrible to listen to them tell you their hungry but be strong!! Good luck

Jazzi · 09/01/2007 19:30

I would keep her tea, and if she says she is hungry I would tell her she can eat the rest of that. I have the same with my ds, he will not eat and then claim he is starving. If he was truly starving he would eat his dinner imo! I know it is hard but try and stay calm, does she eat breakfast and lunch ok?

colditz · 09/01/2007 19:30

What about fruit after school, tea at 6?

CrocodileKate · 09/01/2007 19:32

Think she is more than old enough to understand that if she doesn't eat dinner she will be hungry.
Think maybe I would offer one piece of fruit.

belgo · 09/01/2007 19:32

I think you should introduce a healthy snack in the evening, with a cup of milk which will help fill her up. It sounds like she could have quite a small stomach, and physically not be able to eat a large amount in one go.

morningpaper · 09/01/2007 19:32

Keep dinner covered and keep producing it when she says she is hungry.

Don't throw it away until she is tucked up in bed.

Job done.

lapinrose · 09/01/2007 19:32

or cereal before bed?

Original poster

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:33

she ate a crumpet and a small yoghurt for beakfast this morning which was good for her.

she has school dinners because I wouldn't be able to make her a healthy packed lunch that she would eat and I like the dinners provided at the school, they seem healthy and nice.

I think the fruit or veg if your hungry is a good idea, she will eat apples, carrots and grapes so that would be ok.

thanks for that I hadn't thought of that.

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evilsparklystepmom · 09/01/2007 19:33

in our house, meals do not have to be eaten. but there is nothing else until the next meal. dc's are 7, 4 and 8 months (obv this only applies to the older 2!).

however, we eat between 5.30 and 6.30 (depending on how organised i am!) and bedtime follows rapidly at 7. i would stick to your guns if i were you, but the gap between 4.30 and 7 is quite big...

maybe you could offer fruit/veg sticks or similar round about 6ish? not enough so that it could replace tea, but enough to fill her up again if she was hungry?

food battles are awful. don't let it get you down

Jazzi · 09/01/2007 19:34

Does she eat her lunch at school?

Original poster

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:36

I must be too soft but I think serving up cold fishfingers which she will cry about isn't going to help the relaxing around food thing.

I turned into a bit of a food ophobic, I htink, when she was weaned as she retched and vomited on lumps and I freaked out about it so she definitely is anxious around new foods. I don't want to punish her with food IYSWIM which I feel cold tea would be. I have already made thw portions smaller but wont go any smaller than that.

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NorksBride · 09/01/2007 19:37

My 5yo does this quite often and it drives me insane. In my case I know it's about control so I just repeat the mantra, "if you haven't eaten your dinner then you're not hungry enough for pudding". She knows the rule, I have never waivered from it and yet, most mealtimes, we have the same behaviour. I always include at least 2 or 3 things that she likes so there is no excuse really.

The only difference between yours and mine is that we have dinner between 5.30 and 6pm. We have after school snack at about 4pm. I think if my DCs had dinner at 4.30 they'd want supper as well.

But anyway, if you know she's just messing you about, then stick to your guns. I daresay they'll grow out of it eventually. (ever hopeful!)

morningpaper · 09/01/2007 19:38

Why is cold tea a punishment?

If she prefers it warm you can stick it in the oven for 10 minutes.

I present it like "Hurray! You're hungry and I saved your dinner!"

emkana · 09/01/2007 19:38

I would say fruit after school and tea at 6 would be better.

4.30 very early IMHO.

pointydog · 09/01/2007 19:38

I offer a bedtime snack that isn't dependent on eating tea. I can't be arsed with food battles. How strict are adults when it comes to only eating certain things at certain times?

Give her a healthy supper that she likes and you'll both be less stresse.d

colditz · 09/01/2007 19:38

Don't serve it cold, heat it up, but it means they don't hold out for something "better". It's not what I would think of as a punishment, more a natural consequence!

Original poster

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:39

I have been talking to her headteacher who alwasy eats in the food hall and chats to kids. He knows there is a bit of a problem and I wanted to know if a she ate her lunch. Apparently they have to ask before they go onto their pudding IF they don't clean thier plates and she sometimes eats it all and doesn't have to ask to go onto her pudding and sometimes she has even tried a new food that she wouldn't normally entertain at home without a battle. she alwasy says she doesn't like everything new she tries, except once which was salmon and she has consistently said she liked it and eaten it since.

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colditz · 09/01/2007 19:39

Ds is 3 but wouldn't eat at 4.30, it's only 4 hours away from lunch.

NorksBride · 09/01/2007 19:40

Can't believe how many posts there were in the time it took me to write mine! Sorry to be so repetitive of everyone else

belgo · 09/01/2007 19:40

TrinityRhino - I think you're absolutely right about not wanting to serve up cold food as that would be a punishment. She might just be a small regular eater, and you should go with that, without making a big issue out of it. IMO making an issue out of it will only cause more problems.

Maybe try and involve her in the preparation of food, to try and encourage her interest in it?

morningpaper · 09/01/2007 19:41

Heat it up

It isn't a punishment

Chucking it out is a WASTE

I can't believe you would chuck out dinner and make SUPPER

Original poster

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:42

sorry morningpaper, obviously feeling fragile

I asumed it was coming from a punishment type of way, sorry

That sounds like a good idea too.

I think I will go for the fruit snakc straight home from school and tea at 5 then fruit if she is hungry after but hasn't eaten her tea

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Original poster

TrinityRhino · 09/01/2007 19:43

I don't chuck it out, I eat it

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